Mulesqb - I found strength when I least expected

[mulesqb]

Journal - Ok - last night we take the kids to family counseling for the first time. It's the first time me and my W have ridden in the same car since August. Felt strange. We get there and it was clear to me that W had filled therapist into her side of the story. Kids were very quiet.

Therapist asked me what my expectations were. I told her that I didn't have expectations, that this whole thing came out of left field and that my only concern was for the well being of the kids. I told her that I think they are suffering already from low self esteem, lack of confidence and are sad. It has affected all their activities and school work as none of them are at the same level they were at pre-bomb.

The therapist then met with the boys for about 20 minutes and called us back in alone. She told us that the good news is that they don't blame anyone for this and seem ok. She then described the interaction.

She then asked again how each of us feel this is going to work. My w said that this has been building for a long time and that she has been unhappy for a long time and finally built the courage to do something about it and that it didn't come out of left field at all. She said that we alternate days on the weekends with the kids.

When it was my turn - I said that if this was building for a long time and she said nothing but just acted out then to me it obviously did come out of left field because it was the first I was hearing of it. I then told the therapist I have issues with a lot that has been said. First, I don't want a divorce and I don't believe in divorce (W had insinuated this was a mutual decision). I said that I was blindsided by W's decision to leave the marriage. I then turned to W and asked when was the last weekend day that she spent alone with the kids. She then reiterated that we split it. I laughed and said by my calculation the last time she did something alone with the boys on a weekend was September. She said that she went to ONE of our sons' games this weekend and helped in the kitchen at the game. She said she does what she's SUPPOSED to do. I said that is the difference between us - I went to ALL of our sons' games this weekend because I WANT to and don't look at it as an obligation.

I then asked her what she did with the kids during this weekend after she spent 3 hours with them on Thanksgiving. She then says that the reason she doesn't do anything with them is becuase I am always around and don't have anything else. And if I'm around they won't want to spend time with her.

Well I had to laugh again. I then reminded her that she had said that she was going to take the kids on Sunday, but when she got up she decided that S7's game was too far away, so she decided to go to the gym and shopping instead. Me being in the house had nothing to do with that decision. I then also said that I have plenty of things I could do, but my first choice is to spend time with my family. It's my favorite thing to do.

I also couldn't help myself - I then told her that this entire hold up was on her end. I know that her lawyer has been sick but if this is such torture for her why couldn't she work through her associate or get another lawyer. I told her it was time sh!t or get off the pot.

When we got home I got a call on my cell from a friend. While I was on she was screaming at the kids about something. A pretty drastic change from the all good mother show she put on in the therapist's office. I don't know - I may be reaching the end of my rope.

On a side note - my SIL called me and said she has been talking with my W the last few weeks. She apologized to me and said that she can't believe her and the way she is treating me and the kids. She said from now on she can't support her at all. She doesn't even like her any more. She said Thanksgiving was a disaster without me there. She then asked if I would please come to the holidays from now on even if it means my W won't come. She said it was clear to her and her parents that she didn't want to be there and got out as fast as she could. She said my W ruined their entire day.

I have to admit - she always keeps it interesting.