The Soap Suds are out of the tub.

[WCW]

MT, I've been trying to figure out how to choose the words that I wanted to say to you, that IMO you are too available for your H. He moved out and sleeps with ow now, but what else has really changed?

There's a thread here in Newcomers called Guys Chime In here and Puppy posted this. Maybe you've read it, but just in case -

I think perhaps THE biggest misunderstanding about Michele's DBing principles is that you DB "to win them back." You DB to win YOURSELF back, and hope that the "new you" that you create will have the added bonus of being attractive to your spouse. But if there's infidelity involved, it's a very, VERY tricky path to navigate, as you DON'T want to reward (or even enable) the bad behavior by REWARDING the wayward spouse with your attentions.

Basically, you want to convey "Oh yeah, I did a lot of soul searching and I DO get it now, and I AM making these improvements. But they're not for YOU, they're for ME. In fact, even though I still love you and don't want a divorce, I'm not even sure, based on what you did to me, that I can even trust you or even want to BE with you anymore. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm working on ME, and it's exhiliarating."

That's a crude way to put it, but that's the gist of it. It's NOT supposed to be you saying "Oh please, I'm so sorry that I treated you so poorly that you decided to have an affair! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!! PLEASE notice my changes, and give me the chance to win you back!!!!"