2) Lose that statement about creating your own Christmas traditions. It IS exclusionary. Simply state that under the circumstances you feel that you each need to plan on your own time with the kids over Christmas because you are not comfortable having a "family celebration". You do not owe her anything more than that. I would not try explaining myself to her if I were you. She left. So she should have foreseen this. If she didn't - tough crap. That's piss poor prior planning on her part, then.
We already have separate plans for Christmas. The girls will spend the morning here, and the afternoon with her.
The issue is that when she is here at the house, she does things like put up decorations. It makes me uncomfortable and kind of is like she is thinking "This is still my home".
