Whether, what & when to tell kids?

[hope3343]

Hi Alex, sorry you are here and like us in this situation.
My H told me in August that he wanted to move out. From that point on it was h$ll in our house. H felt that that point he could just go out whenever he felt with no repercussions at all. He is in an A with someone who works for him. H never stayed out but sometimes came home at 3 am and sometimes drunk (he hardly touched a drink and was dry at one point for 15 years), my D15 was getting very upset with his actions. H told D15 in mid September that he was moving out on Oct.1 because he was unhappy with Mommy and wanted to be on his own. H said that we might get a D.

The next day my D15 says is Daddy cheating on you? I sat her down and said, Yes, that is why Daddy has been acting the way that he has been because he knows he is doing something wrong. I told her that married people do not have boyfriends and girlfriends and that I did not want this and right now even though Daddy is leaving that I still want us to be married and will keep busy and work on myself and see what happens. I told her that Daddy and me were married for 21 years and I will not give up on my marriage after 3 months of bad behavior. I told her I was sad and angry about Daddy but I loved him.
Kids do know and they surprise you. Because then my D15 says is the OW ..... and she was absolutely right.
When my H found out I told her he was livid. I told him it was something she already suspected and I was not going to lie to her like you have been lying to us these past months. H did not want to be exposed and thought that he would just move out, that I would be fine, D's would be fine and everything would be wonderful in his fog babble world. Now as time goes by H is starting to take off those rose colored glasses.

If you asked me a year ago if I would ever tell my family about my H having an A (of course a year ago I never would have thought this would happen) I would say absolutely not but I know that it is more important to be truthful with my Ds than give lies to protect my H.
Good luck