Whether, what & when to tell kids?

[AlexEN]

My wife not telling the kids anything yet (to my knowledge). On another thread yesterday, I wrote:

"She's, in her mind, just waiting me out until I "willingly go along with the divorce... so we can present united front to the kids." What scares her more than anything is looking "like the bad guy" to the kids (hence no public shows of affection in front of the kids, because by her not reciprocating it would make her look bad -- hmmm, and modeling a "loveless marriage" IS good for them?) so she's waiting for me to throw my hands up so it can be presented to them as a "mutual decision". I've told her I will not lie to them and if they ask if it's something I want, I would tell them "no, I do not want this; your mother does". That, to her, is perceived as a threat!"

And:

"Kids actually under the impression things are better (we used to argue in front of them and don't anymore); not sure what they perceive, but I think her announcement will knock their socks off, but I could be wrong. Our little guy is very perceptive, but I don't know that he knows what ails him, so-to-speak."