Good day today. Spent last night thinking and really doing nothing other than clean up up BILs room. what a freakin mess....

Me and D17 had a nice dinner together, pulled pork, came out fabulous. Talked about nothing. She wants to go to school for psychiatry. With all this she should ace it. had contacted her guidance counselor and she is going toarrange for some interviews and get some scholarship paperwork going for us.

We talke dabout Xmas shopping. She is putting together her music for her dance recital solo. she remixed a couple of times, she is very good at it. Sounded good to me. She has chosenthe song "Too Late to Aplogize" and the songs she cut in are on the same emotional message. these are songs from a CD she made me recently. She cares about me very much and she is concerned i don't have anyone. Told her its OK. She says its not, its not fair and you're awesome, somebody should be with you. It was very nice to hear. She wants whoever it is to be named Emily. she likes that name.

I am going Xmas shopping tonight. Store going out of business with ubelievable deals. Walking arond boaston Saturday may not be her idea of fun, its suppose to be in the low 30's. she's always cold, like her mother.

We'll give it a run anyway. I was going to take the train, but I'll drive istead, that way we can leave onour own schedule.

Started doing picture collage of my friends. Ran out of recent pictures. I have to develop all the film she had not. there is about 50 rolls, no kidding. I'll take a few down and see wats on them.

redid some filing and things like that, busy work while I thought. AmyC has given me plenty to think about with regard to wher eI want to be. I am where I want to be and I am doing what i believe needs to be done. I am alone emotionally, I feel it, my father is gone and so is she. Looking forward to Saturday. might scrape up some money and take her to the Nutcracker. I think she would love that. Busy tonight with some Xmas shopping, only about an hour though, shopping gives me a headache. Will stop by FIL and say hello. Thursday I may meet some friends at the local 99 Restaurant for drinks (mine will be cranberry and club). Won't stay there long. Playing cards Firdy night, Saturday with D17 and Sunday, housework and football. HAve a couple of buddies that might come over, play a little cribbage, maybe a glass of wine (living on the edge here).

Yeah, AmyC, you're right. It seemed like something was definitely slapping me for going to church. I usually don't believe in such stuff, but it happened to me, so there it is.

I can handle it. I have set goals for myself and removed any goals for R/M. I'll think about those when the OM is gone. For now, just me, D17 and the house.