I think what I have found is by just being nice, pleasant, and not overbearing or pushy tends to get him talking to me. Yesterday, my oldest daughter (previous marriage) had a baby boy, and we did text back and forth. It really depends on how he is feeling, and I am realizing that no matter what the technical term for this is, he is very unhappy. It doesn't have anything to do with me. Therefore, the best thing I can do is let him set the pace, and have a lot of patience and faith. I find that going with the flow, and not pushing, is the best with us. When he feels he is getting to close, he ultimately pulls the divorce trump card to get me to back off. I have handled it different ways, either breaking down, which I won't do again, or just saying "I understand." Saying I understand took the pressure off him. Therefore, I do know H is using that to try and gain his own footing, and get his own emotions under control. He has not filed, so I realize that this is just his way of trying to test the waters.
At any rate, I have somehow developed a sense of peace in realizing that H is hurting right now, and although there might not be much I can do about it, I can be there when he needs me.
Ellie, you have no idea how much I appreciate your advice. It is nice to finally know a little more of what I am dealing with. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him things will be okay, but I also realize that is what I want, and right now my needs have to take the back burner, in a sense. I don't think I need to be a doormat, and have managed to set boundaries, but H really has been kind through this, not mean. He has said hurtful things, but not usually in anger, I think, just in frustration. So I will keep hanging in there, because ultimately I want a strong marriage.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
