Okay, my last thread locked up--I wondered how long that would take!
Indiana is cold, windy, and snowy right now. D12 loves it, but me? Not so much.
Not much new; wondering why H would sit in his car for 20 minutes waiting for D instead of coming inside where it's warm. Talking on his cell? emailing on the blackberry? to make it even better, he sends D back inside with a check instead of bringing it himself. I appreciate the check, of course, altho I'm not kidding myself: court's in 2 weeks, he's trying to look good.
Sigh. Before I woke up this morning, my dog with ADHD got into the trash, strewing it all over the house. Then got into the dog food. Fortunately I didn't have flavored coffee grounds in the trash--he got into those once, none of us got much sleep that night! No, this isn't the superdog who is on mouse patrol; he was sound asleep under the covers of my bed while all this was going on.
See, it's one adventure after another in my life!!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I wouldn't count on Mr. Warlock's recent good financial behavior fooling the judge. They've seen it all, and then some, and your L can certainly point out that it's only been with the court date looming that Covenboy loosened up his pursestrings.
oh--and yes, he's playing the game. But I now have a full fridge, pantry, gas tank, and a few Christmas presents (which I was afraid I wouldn't be buying at all!). And yeah, putting some aside to fix the furnace after bills are paid.
No, it wasn't a lot of money--but I'm finding I can stretch a dollar a whooooooole bunch these days!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
D12 and I attended her "Pizza and PMS" program tonite. It was excellent. It began with a "body shop" educational session at a high-tech learning center. It talked about physical and emotional changes, then got into appropriate opposite sex relationships, abstinence, and how sex is used to sell products. After that, we returned to her school for pizza, then a couple of speakers. One was the mother of an 8th grader, who had her when she was only 15. By the grace of God she had a lot of family support,and they're both pretty solid young women. The other speakers were a mother-daughter team, who just spoke about their positive relationship. After that, there was an opportunity to do some brief goal-setting, then the girls got the letters that we solicited from friends and family members (and ones we wrote ourselves). D got a total of 13 notes! I think that was a record. They were basically letters affirming her as a young woman, boosting self-esteem. Everyone was crying! Closed with prayer, first mothers blessing their daughters then daughters blessing their mothers. For a bunch of middle-school girls, it was a really amazing thing! And two teachers, both about 26 years old, came up with the program themselves. I know it meant a lot to D. So it was educational, good mother-daughter bonding, affirmation of who the daughter is in her family, self-esteem building. I love holistic approaches!
I have to admit it was very hard for me to be back in the building. I think I have a lot more grief about the whole leaving-the-job thing than I realize since other things are more pressing.
D said she loved all her notes. However, since most of them mentioned the pending divorce and changes in her life, they made her sad. I didn't mention it in my note; I didn't feel the need for all the crap to define our relationship. And she noticed that, and appreciated it. She also articulated that while she was grateful that people who care for her understand that she's going through a hard year, and that's a kind of support, the support she really needs is for them to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Wow--sometimes she blows me away with her ability to cut to the chase and say exactly what she's feeling. I also felt profoundly sad seeing these letters and notes; all these folks sent them to school, and not to me to give to her. And these are people I no longer have relationships with, but H clearly still does. It really bothers me, grieves me even, that he seems to have lost nothing in spite of causing such devastation, but I have lost so much. And there's so little support, or even acknowledgement from people who used to be friends. I know, I know--this was D's evening, it wasn't about me. And I am truly happy that she felt so much love from folks, and that they haven't cut HER off. But sometimes the grief is a bit overpowering.
I want to end on a positive note tho, because this was just such a gift dropped in our laps. What a powerful message for these middle school girls, and for their moms.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
And these are people I no longer have relationships with, but H clearly still does. It really bothers me, grieves me even, that he seems to have lost nothing in spite of causing such devastation,
Perhaps not now, but eventually he will realize what he has lost...his family, a wife who loved him, and, his dignity. The truth will emerge eventually.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
Hey Mama, what a wonderful gift tonight's event was for both of you! As I sat here reading about it, I felt a twinge of jealousy for my D12. I'd love for her to get notes of affirmation, especially right now! Waiting in Joyful Hope...Goldey
And these are people I no longer have relationships with, but H clearly still does. It really bothers me, grieves me even, that he seems to have lost nothing in spite of causing such devastation,
Perhaps not now, but eventually he will realize what he has lost...his family, a wife who loved him, and, his dignity. The truth will emerge eventually.
My thing is not so much that I want H to have some consequences (altho that wouldn't be such a bad thing). What bothers me so much about this is the betrayal I feel from the people I used to be close to who have cut me off, and who support H. That is what hurts. Yes, it's very irritating that H seems to be cruising thru this while everything is a struggle for me. But I really think it's more of a struggle because I feel so isolated. I was surprised to read one of the notes from a guy who I considered a close friend for the past 15 years, who I haven't heard from since a week after the bomb. The note to D said that he was sorry he hadn't been able to see her, hoped to see her before Christmas but wasn't sure he could. As if I was keeping him away!! I have emailed him a couple of times,letting him know I got a job, that kind of thing, but he has not maintained the relationship. I knew him before H did; he's known D since she was born; I was at his brother's funeral. I thought he was just feeling awkward and keeping his distance from both of us, but from the note it was clear he and H still do things together. Why am I the bad guy in this??!! It's not that I don't want H to have support. Really, that's irrelevant. It's more that I need support too, and it's not happening. And that hurts.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hey Mama, what a wonderful gift tonight's event was for both of you! As I sat here reading about it, I felt a twinge of jealousy for my D12. I'd love for her to get notes of affirmation, especially right now! Waiting in Joyful Hope...Goldey
It really was a great evening. It was almost a coming-of-age celebration. It was a bit of a relief to hear our girls clearly expressing the values they've been taught--and the values that have become part of them.
How about requesting some notes of affirmation as a Christmas present? Or an Advent thing? You don't need an official event, you can create it yourself. There are also a lot of really good resources out there for positive mother-daughter relationships; Dove dot com has a very positive site along these lines.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Oh Hoosier, I sooooooo know what you mean about this!!! I had similar experiences and I complained to said people about it (not sure it was wise but I had to) they said they didn't know what to say--hmm some were Christians on support groups/councelling?) Is the Good Samaritan still in bibles? I said almost strangers had offered me and my children words of comfort or dropped by with the odd meal, how come they couldn't manage a phone call to my kids or me just to say they didn't know what to say but they could listen or something!!! Yikes I,m still mad after all these years. I should say I had been "family" for 30+ years and they had known me since I was 5yrs old and always gotten on well. Outcome was just no contact-ah well some years after I heard my x BIL had cancer my kids went to visit and I wrote a card and letter. We didn't know what to say either but we at least tried even after the way we had been treated. So I completely sumpathise with you. (((())))
