dealing with infidelity after R

[garyjlost]

Okay, so I didn't do as well as I had hoped with the confrontation.

The catch is my wife has been a Walk-Away Wife, and that has sort of stolen my bargaining position. We're working to restore the marriage, but she's slow to accept my changes.

Here's what I learned last night:

So while my wife notified the OM that I was moving back home and that she and I would be working on the marriage, she didn't exactly drive a stake in the affair. I think he has been waiting on a back burner for word regarding whether the reconciliation was going to work.

Now the reconciliation looks strong. She says she believe in it. This is what she wants.

So my wife fully intends to tell him that the affair is over. But here's the catch: she clearly has strong feelings for this guy. If I wasn't working with her to make the marriage work, if I wasn't displaying a considerable number of changes, she'd be with the OM, possibly pursuing a long term relationship.

She meant to tell him on the phone the other night that their affair is over, but according to her, the circumstances weren't right. He was driving in his car ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... (fact is, though, I know she called his home number, not his cell phone, so she's lying about his driving). She says she'll contact him soon and end it. (I need to get her to do this as soon as possible. I'll follow up about this. Maybe I should be there for the call? Maybe it even needs a face-to-face meeting, in which case I suspect I should be waiting nearby, with a time limit in place.)

If he doesn't respect her decision and attempts to continue contacting her, then I'll get involved; my wife and I will then craft a No-Contact letter that we'll send to him.

She seems very happy with the reconciliation. This seems like what she wants. An intact family.

Considering my wife is a WAW, I don't know if I could have got more out of this situation. Maybe so, but this is all so fragile right now ...