Good Mars/Venus list. A lot of truth there. It would be interesting if someone would post an equivalent list about women, for the men here.
Brian
Brian --
Here's what I remember from the book (didn't have to write them down since I'm living them!)
1. "women" are like waves (remember that "men" are like rubber bands!) when it comes to intimacy. (What this means to the engineer in me is that men tend to be "on" or "off", i.e., discrete, when it comes to intimacy and then women are more continuous -- yah, their intimate feelings ebb and flow but in a more fluid fashion)
2. The "wave" theory is why "women" need routine reassurance from their spouse that they are loved, important, etc.
3. "woman" share problems and offer assistance as a way of building relationships. When a "woman" wants to talk about her feelings, she's building intimacy -- unfortunately, hearing about a "woman's" feelings can feel like an attack to a man (even though she's just sharing, she's NOT blaming him)
3. "woman" want to be listened to, they resent it when men jump quickly to try to solve their problems.
4. "women" give points at the same rate for both big things and little things (whereas men tend to give big points for the big things and little points for the little things). Therefore, a man should focus on the little things in order to quickly accumulate points.
5. A woman will keep "giving" even though she feels as though she's given more than her spouse (this is apparently counter to what men do) so men ASSume that things are AOK if a woman is still giving.
6. If a "woman" feels as though she's REALLY been giving more than her spouse, she will SUBTRACT her points from his. This one's sort of funny but I also think it can be very true. In other words...if I think I'm doing twice as much around the house as my husband is doing, I will SUPPOSEDLY subtract my 20 points from his 10 points leaving him with minus 10 points! (And, in a very sorry state indeed!). A "woman" will give points back generously, though, when she feels as though the balance is evened up again.
7. If a "woman" doesn't feel as though her feelings were "heard" she'll keep coming back to the same complaint again and again and again...
If I think of more, I'll post them. I DO strongly recommend the book...
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks for the mars/venus stuff. I never bought the books as I judged his theory to be overly simplistic (nothing like judging before giving it a read, huh? )...Also because for CJ and I, it seems like a lot of the stuff is reversed.
But the more I see, the more subtle things I pick up that DO apply...must put him back on my reading list.
Just a quick update from the weekend...then spending a bit more time checking on you guys!
It was a good one! We went to see the Sox play Friday and Saturday. Had some good food, good laughs, watched a movie, too! Saturday, we worked in the yard for a while -- attacking overgrown bushes with a vengeance (and an ax!). This was very, very special to me! h and I have never worked in the yard together (usually he's mowing, I'm weeding if anything!) but we made it more beautiful as a TEAM. Very good stuff.
yesterday, I watched h play his heart out in his baseball league...I had a BIG old umbrella for a few showers and the rest of the time it was sunny and beautiful. We relaxed last night...both tired (one from activity the other from a lack of it!). Today he's sore and tired -- sounds a bit down, maybe? I'm looking forward to getting home to see him...I think we're going out to have a drink or two...but if he's too spent, well, I'll be more than happy to sit on the coach and watch the game, too.
Some of my fears bubbled up over the weekend...that I won't be able to keep him interested in just me I worked through 'em....
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Yah, Shiny, I didn't jump on the bandwagon too easily...was in the mode of getting all kinds of "help" tapes out of the library. When I started crying while I was listening to it, well, I knew it had hit home ....
It's like anything else, though...I try to let it into my mind and I'm more than willing to shed the concept if it truly doesn't seem to fit.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks for the other half of the list. I especially like #4. Seems like the path of least resistance to scoring (Points, that is - surely you didn't think I meant something else!).
I just realized I forgot to thank you for linking me up!!! you're such a sweeite, for a sneak that is
Shiny
P.S. I think "Getting Closer?" could mean a lot of things, it's why I picked it. Getting closer to knowing "what I want from life", or getting closer to GETTING it???
Geez Jeannine...I almost thought that was LL posting LOL!
I may be reading YOU wrong, but I had to laugh because there was no sexual connotation (ummm says Dr. Freud...not on a CONSCIOUS level!!! ) intended there.
I just meant getting closer to "what I want from life"...which was the title of my last thread!
It was intended to be hopeful and cryptic...apparently it's succeeding!
subtract my 20 points from his 10 points leaving him with minus 10 points! (And, in a very sorry state indeed!). A "woman" will give points back generously, though, when she feels as though the balance is evened up again.
)...Also because for CJ and I, it seems like a lot of the stuff is reversed.
I worked through 'em....
