You need to talk to her about all of this and decide together. You can't go into this having it all ready and decided. You will end up going into the discussion with a specific answer that will need to be said by her and when she doesn't say it you will have your set response. That is NOT communication.
Tell her how you feel. Let her tell you how she feels. Explain it all. Leave nothing unsaid. She may not respond the way you hope. She's human. She's not perfect. You may need to talk to her again after she has time to process it. You may need to talk to her again. Yes, you will have to state your boundaries. But, you have to communicate things first and talk them through.
There is a lot of emotion on both sides here. The conversation will not be picture perfect. One conversation can't possibly figure it all out. It is why I suggested you start talking now. You need to talk this out, not wait.
I understand you told her no R talk, but do you think it is better to not have R talk but then zap her with your decision without talking thoroughly. YOu can't not have R talk and then make this moving decision. You will have to tell her that.
