Morning everyone. No, I didn't get a chance to shred her, yet. Walked into the house last night after work and before I even had my coat off my BFF was right on my heels at the back door. H was there and he ended up making dinner for the 3 of us. We started a Tuesday night tradition when I was sick...her H and my H are on the same golf league together, so on Tuesday night she used to come over and sit with me when the guys were out golfing. We kind of continued the tradition, sometimes meeting out somewhere, but most often at my house since it is on the way home to hers. I managed to hold it together again, although I could tell that she was looking at me closely, and she finally said "you look really tired." I told her that I was, that work was really killer lately. She understands. We are in the same field, but different agencies. We have been through thick and thin together for 23 years, and she has been onboard with what has been going on with H up to this point. I guess I am just not ready to share this with her. Don't know if I ever will be.

Anyway, after she left we sat together on the couch for a while and H reached out and took my hand. He held it for quite a while. Wish that the night had ended on that note, but it didn't. When we went to bed he did not turn off the bedside light like he usually does. He started talking and we both started crying. I don't think he was esplaining things to me as much as talking to himself. I listened for as long as I could, but the pain was pretty unberable and I finally said that I wished that he hadn't told me. That he had poured out his guilt at my expense and now I am miserable. I don't remember what he said next, but he did leave the bedroom and sleep on the couch.

This morning the mini-alien was back. He was mad because we had planned for me to do the computer work last night that is necessary for him to sign up for the talent bank portion of our state's unemployment program. Because we had company it didn't get done and he was pissed that he was going to have to take care of that himself. I was unsympathetic, I told him that he could get his OW to bust her a$$ for him, that I was sick of doing everything to support him while he did so little to help me get thru my heartache. Maybe I'm getting to the anger part of this now.


Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.

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