God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[theotherhalf]

glam, alot really has changed in the last few months. But so much more has to happen. I guess that is why I am having such a hard time lately. Impatient.

[theotherhalf]

this sounds like a pity party not GAL'ing....make the best of it instead of bring the festivities down

an2m, no one around me knows how I feel. I do make the best of every moment. But here, I come to let out me true feelings, my thoughts. Please don't assume.

I went back to some of my old threads, I wanted to show you how much my H and the sitch has changed. Your right, reading those, not much has changed. But here, in reality it has. My H IS different. But we are doing the same things. For H I think he is stuck in his mess, for me it is fear that keeps me hanging on. I am working hard to find my way. To let him go completely. I honestly don't know if I have the courage to do so.

[theotherhalf]

If you truly love someone(thing) set it free. If he does not return, he was never truly yours. If he does, you will know it is because he wants to be there.

How many times do you have to do this in a lifetime of loving someone?

Bill every time I think I have reached the point of letting him go, he does something to draw me back. I let him. And round and round we go.

Whether consciously or not, this man KNOWS that you are his. He KNOWS that you are going nowhere, that you are CAPABLE of going nowhere without him. And it is THIS knowledge that allows him to continue wandering, bouncing from here to there, trying this and that, with little concern that he is perhaps giving up something that will turn out to have been of great value to him.

Your are 100% correct. And trust me he is conscious.

You shortchange yourself by continuing to believe that you CANNOT live without him.

No, I don't believe this. I believe that I am my own person. I don't need someone to survive. I can/will live just fine without my H. I just don't WANT to.

You devalue your own worth as a person by believing that without him your life is somehow permanently disabled.

Disabled yes, changed yes, over no.

How amazed would your husband be to one day realize that he never hears from you anymore. How amazed would he be to find that you no longer invite him to dinner, that you no longer ask to be involved in the things he is doing. Wouldn't that at least carry the potential to make him think for a minute.

Fear keeps me from finding out, but I am trying.

And again, if he never comes back even with all that, he was never yours to begin with.

My H never was MINE. And IF he ever comes home, I want it to be for the RIGHT reasons, not out of guilt, or because of money, etc...This is was is pushing me to let go

[a new 2moro]

Bill every time I think I have reached the point of letting him go, he does something to draw me back. I let him. And round and round we go.

someone HAS to break the cycle for him to move forward, i can with pretty much certainty say IT AINT GONNA BE HIM.....

My H never was MINE. And IF he ever comes home, I want it to be for the RIGHT reasons, not out of guilt, or because of money, etc...This is was is pushing me to let go

except you have made it very plain you would take him back now unchanged

when you push him into these 'talks" he says what it takes to shut you up but at the same time never commiting to anything one way or the other....or covering his a$$

Nothing will change until you leave him alone in a very big way...you want so bad to believe he has changed, something is different.....every time a dimple is different you get your hopes up. you watching this man under a microscope....now c'mon did you really expect him to not go party after her he left????

[MidwesternGirl]

My H never was MINE.

What do you mean he was never yours? You married him, right?

You can let him go. Let him be, leave him alone, no R talks, and since he works on your property, let him do his work while you do other things.

He is not far along enough to notice any real changes in my opinion.

It was not until 2008 where I noticed some changes in my H and we were able to talk and express our feelings even though he still lives elsewhere. With that said, it has been over three years since we have been able to do those things.

[theotherhalf]

Your both so right...

I want to say I CAN'T do this anymore. But I know that I can, just as I have for so long. But today I am thinking I don't WANT to do this anymore.

H called me yesterday, I missed his call. He left a VM to tell me that he was picking up his truck and how much he was going to put down on the bill. I didn't call him back. I didn't struggle with this, not this time, I really don't even know if I want to talk to him. I have nothing to say. And he won't ask how my day was or how I am, so what's the point.

[a new 2moro]

you can you just need to do it differently DETACH and live your life for you, when you start doing what we say the strain wont be as bad. Stop intertwining your life and happiness around him and fooling yourself that you are detaching...becoz you are NOT.

[theotherhalf]

an2m, it's hard/almost impossible to live my life for me. I am stuck in this place of indecision. I don't know where I will live 6 months from now. I don't know how I am going to pay all these bills that are piling up. I don't know how I am going to pay my fines and restitution. I could file for divorce than at least I would KNOW that I am now single. But I don't see that as the answer either. I don't know where to turn, how to move forward but dambit I am sick and tired of being here.

H was here tonight when I got home. It's like he's right back to the place he was 6 months ago. He didn't even look at me when I walked into the door. I could not look at him either. I am so angry at him for being so stuck. A part of me wants to tell him to get out and leave us alone. He's done enough damage.

I was civil and just went about my business. He just left, and I'm glad he's gone...

[a new 2moro]

TOH is no harder for you than those who have trod before you.
take charge and decide how to pay the bills, where you and your girls are gonna live. you are still waiting for your old H to rescue you nope aint gonna happen. that man is long gone

of course hes right back where he was it happens everytime you pressure him...what part of you are pro-longing his crisis have you not been listening to?????

you say you dont want to see him...well thats today maybe tomorrow but we can pretty much see your pattern, he will come like tom cat looking for some and you will cave. Im sorry to be so blunt but jeesh girlie....you let him use and abuse you to keep him coming around. Bill said some pretty good things in his posts to you about devaluing yourself.

[theotherhalf]

"about devaluing yourself"

how can we not feel "devalued", when our H's just one day decided to throw us out like yesterdays trash?

an2m, I KNOW that I deserve better. I KNOW that I am worth more. I KNOW that he is an idiot for all he's done/doing. But I don't FEEL it.