I am new to this site and not exactly sure how to maneuver through all of it just yet, but - like you, I am in desperate need of advice. I did not read your pseudo-novel in its entirety, but the jist of it. I have a tendency to write novels as well.
I do not have much time right now to write all that I would like to, but I do have some advice, which you may not be open to, as I see that you are a liberal, very independent and probably of the typical feminist mindset - which, believe me - can be devastating to a marriage or relationship. I have found the same in myself, wanting to be so independent, not liberal or feminist.
Anyway, I highly suggest reading some of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books. If you truly feel the way that you do i.e. selfish and controlling, then please open your mind to what she has to say and force yourself to look within to begin the repair process there. I find her books incredibly helpful, yet I am still in agony over my own situation.
I wish you the best and if you have any advice for me, I would appreciate it as well.
I will try to help you more and write more at a later time.
