Indulging my stylish side....

[sage]

Could you try to explain what may have helped transition your h from giving you the "feeling" or "acting as if" he was working towards a better R and actually verbally acknowleging that fact or actually being able to read/discuss what would make the R better without H getting tense about it?

I've been reading some of your earlier threads, but I haven't been able to discern what it might have been other than just time and a building of confidence within each of you.

Padawan - Making slow progress, but progress none the less

Hi Padawan,

Hmmm...so...my husband has never come out and said "I'm working on this M" or "I am recommitted to our M". I'd love to hear those words in such a direct format from him but I suspect that I won't. (well, as long as we're talking about this, I'd love it if we could renew our vows...)

anyway...and we don't have sit down, pointed conversations aobut our r. I think that we're evolving towards being able to talk about the r. stuff but I doubt we'll ever be the kind of couple that plans r talk time or even overtly acknowledges that we're talking about an R issue.

What HAS made the difference is that I finally realized that the way that h was showing his recommitment was through actions and also through words (but not the ones that I was necessarily waiting to hear). Once I realized that over and over again, it was easier for me to show appreciation and confidence to him and it just perpetuates the cycle.

How did I see that h was TELLING me that he was HERE with me?

* Going out of my way to notice and journal three positives every day and thanking him for at least one of them (if not all)

* Learning a lot about communication style differences

* Reading "5 love languages" so I could see how he might be showing his love differently than I expect

* Really quieting my mind so that I can HEAR what he's saying to me

* Re-reading my threads when I got stuck (those "3 positives" really stuck out)

* getting whacked by a 2x4 or two by my pals here to see all the good stuff around me!

* recognizing and acknowledging that h doesn't have to communicate the way that I do. Releasing him and myself from that boundary has made all the difference (note that this is not STATED to h. I just remind myself to appreciate his style)

Does that help any?

Sage