I am so sorry BG- HUGE HUGS out west to you. Take care of yourself and your kids. You are strong and a better person. Don't ever forget how strong you are!!!
simple well written gave them to him in writing boundaries, with a commitment to work to save us, if he would follow them. happy bday me, he wont, and will go alone to his sons bday party thurs at ow request. that was a boundary, ANYTHING that included her, he had to take someone I trust with him, he said f you, and told me it couldnt be me at her rules, and the only thing that matters this week is his son.
With those boundaries were the consequences clearly lined out? Darlin' its time to take care of you. You can't choose for him, however you can hold him to the consequences of his choices. I'm not the one to follow about boundary setting, but you have enough on your plate without assuming the responsibility for his poor choices. Nothing has to be decided today other than what is best for you and your kids. Be the best BG you can and give the rest to God for right now. I know this doesn't help, but you can't take this on as well. Try and enjoy your birthday and I think I found you in the Alt. Universe...my name is different (long story).
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
You do need to work on a plan for you without him. This is for your sanity; you need to find a way to remove yourself emotionally from his drama. That is how I found my sanity. It doesn't mean that you give up on him; it means you start with YOU!!!
hey it's SMW popping out of a book for air. how bout that. we've sure missed ya. stick around a bit. maybe even stop by my new thread 4 the 1st time. i cant recall if you have been there either BG. What's keepin yuz.
Holy crap BG...what have I missed? I have to go back and read from the start... A son? WTF? I missed a lot not being on the board as much. Tomorrow, I promise, I will catch up and chime in. For now, stay tough.... you are. You're a good woman with wits about you. I love you. I promise to catch up and be more focused on what else (beside my own sitch) is going on... Sleep tonight..
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
BG-had a rough day at work yesterday and just couldn't get here. Stop. You did the boundaries but someone asked were the consequences clear? Maybe instead of going to the party she throws, he should throw one for his S of his own. I know she will have a fit. Hold on, breathe. She will make this as hard for him to do what you and maybe he really wants to cuz she wants him in her life. If she agrees to your boundaries, other people there, then you are winning. If she gives him hard time and makes him choose you or son, she is hopeful that you will walk away and then she has her real shot. If he wasn't at least conflicted, he would have left. When I had my A, it was when OM really started pressuring me to leave H that I left OM. Your H is in a more difficult sitch cuz there is a child. He is not choosing her exactly, he is trying to choose his child and can't make it work with both of you cuz of her, not you. Talk to him. Don't argue, blame, whatever. Maybe you need to let it be for a little while until you are a little more settled with it. Maybe until after the holidays. Just act as if you didn't find anything out. Watch how he acts toward you. How he treats you only when he is there. Don't worry at all what he is doing when not there. Pretend he doesn't exist and she doesn't. See if he acts like he is saying about you and what he wants. It might make this easier to really decide if you can see that. This is a big big thing to correct. He can't do it overnight. He is not superman. Although he is married to wonder woman. LOL. You can do it but you are trying to stuff the whole cake in your mouth at one time. You can only eat it bite by bite. You want to do this, i think. But you don't know if he means what he says. Start there. Let him show you love, friendship, compassion. Keep the boundary for physical intimacy and see if he tries to date you. To court you. When you are comfortable that he may really WANT this, then move onto the next bite.
Oh crap I had something really profound to say and it flew right out of my head. Maybe it will come back later. She is going to give him a hard time. In the end, if he stays with you, he may have to take this to court because she is NOT going to easily give in to you being around her S. This is going to be a process. And if he is any kind of man, he will not walk away from this child. He has said he would, but shown otherwise. I give him a lot of credit for that.
That is it for now. I need more coffee. Good morning. I jumped in with my op before I even said that. Smile and be strong sweetie. Think about what I said. Will send email in the alt later today.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
good morning kel. Hope your work day goes much better than the last one. I will wait for the "something really profound" that jumped the tracks on ya earlier.
