You are doing such a good job of searching your own heart. Hooray!!!
I was really struck by what you posted, and didn't post right away because I wanted to think it over.
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That I dont necessarily want to be with him. But I definitely dont want to be rejected by him again.
I wonder if this is EXACTLY what your H might be feeling?? Perhaps that would explain his caution also?
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To be honest the thought that he will reject me again makes me feel that awful, anxious, panicky feeling, like when he first left.
Same thing here... OMG I am so familiar with this feeling... it is really weird what can activate it (like the beard photo)
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I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought "I'm never going to be able to break up with him, I'm always going to have some sort of hope. Love never gives up.... UNLESS I meet someone new, and then it would be easy to get over rotten lovable H'. I dont know if I could actually divorce him, I dont know....
This kind of sounds like a "Two Choice Dilemma" as described in Passionate Marriage, no? You are afraid to move forward with him...(because then you might be rejected). You also don't want to give up on him either!!
Which would you rather do... give up on him, or move forward with him, even though you might be rejected by him?
