I'm so glad to see your latest posts. way to go on cultivating gratitude!!! I am excited about you getting the screws out of your ankle. I'm also really glad that H is getting help in counseling and that his temper is dying down.
T: No, No, No, cookie man is cute, but much too young...he's got to be in his late 20's...maybe early 30's...I could get his number for you !!!! He can't be much older than my kids?! AGH!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow! Be thankful for those you share the day with...be thankful for all of the little blessings in your lives.
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Hi ba- I love your list. It is inspiring to me when people here whose lives are in a turmoil can still find so many things that they are grateful for. I think about everything I used to take for granted before. I am hoping that once I get through this experience, I will remember to appreciate what I do have and not dwell on what I don't.
You are so right about limboland sucking!!! And you are absolutely right that if you do give your H an ultimatum, you better be prepared to follow through.
I hope that IC continues to help your H but be prepared that it isn't a quick fix either. I thought if my H went to C that it would be a matter of a few month and he'd be moving home. Ha! But I guess it didn't take them just a few months to get the way they are so we need to prepared to give this some time.
Hi BA You are an inspiration to me. Your sitch is such a hard one, and you continue to be so graceful towards your H. He sure is lucky to have a strong supportive wife like you. Look after yourself!
I am trying to keep a positive outlook...sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me from going insane myself.
I do have many, many blessings in my life to be thankful for...sometimes I just forget that.
We had a good Thanksgiving with D home....she was home for almost a week. She left to go back to school on Saturday. Then the "real" H re-appeared and became the horrible ogre that I see routinely. He is so good at acting as if...I should take lessons from him! Saturday and Sunday were horrible. He would be fine one minute and raving mad the next...yelling, throwing things...acting like a 2 year old. He even stormed out of the house both days....was gone several hours and reappeared....It is really pathetic....and if I can step outside the sitch and watch, it can be quite comical. As you can imagine, trying to talk reason doesn't work...and I have noticed that alot of the anger is no longer directed at me directly, it's the sitch, the job, the financials, the whole picture that has him tied in knots. One minute he can cope with "life" just fine....the next he falls apart. The abuse that he suffered as a child (that I knew nothing about until September) is really taking a toll on him...the self esteem issues he has really appear to stem from that incident.
He had IC yesterday...came home and took me out to dinner. When we got home, we called S....and called his parents about Christmas....then he went upstairs....I figured our evening was over so I started watching a program on TV....then all of sudden, he throws two pillows and a big blanket over the railing from upstairs. My first thought was ok....now he's going to sleep down here instead of in the guest room...but instead he came down, moved the coffee table, started a fire in the fireplace and we layed down on the floor and just talked. He talked alot about the C and what they had discussed. He told me that the C told him that he has so many issues to deal with (from his childhood, to his job, to our current issues) that there is no way he can make an informed decision on anything in his state of mind....she told him this is going to take time...that he needs to quit looking at the big picture and focus on one thing at a time. Funny, I have been saying that for over a year....but he listens to her. So, while I'm feeling that the end is probably near...and am coming to terms with that....and while I'm also thinking maybe an ultimatum from me is coming....I'm thrown again for a loop by him telling me that the C says he needs to take his time.
My sitch is like so many others here...H is not emotionally able to make a decision right now...he thinks he is...but when it comes down to it, he can't....really can't! He wants to be with MOW...but can't because she's married and supposedly won't leave her H. So in his opinion his choice is to be alone and miserable without her...or to stay with me and be miserable without her. Funny how he doesn't think that moving on and getting over a R that isn't possible doesn't enter his head....maybe someday he will think of that one?!
I'll quit rambling.....sorry.....
Hugs all!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I'm not sure that the idea that he might try to move past his R with the MOW would gain much traction in his head right now! He'd have to make a decision, and follow up on it to even do that.
I guess his C is right that it is going to take time, the problem is that it has already taken an awful lot of time, and taken quite a toll on you. I don't know where to go with that thought. If he keeps seeing the C regularly, I would think that something should start to change, maybe sooner than we think? It will be interesting to see how the holidays affect him. I could imagine lots of different outcomes!
