Losing our way?

[haphazard]

Thanks Shiny for your encouragement. We had another weird weekend and I am beginning to feel like it has all been a waste of time, he will never change, I married the wrong persom etc etc. I know that is a very dispairing way to look at it but he just seems to NEED so much. He is thrown off course by the tiniest of disappointments and stresses and never seems to just let go of stuff. Nothing I say or do ever seems to help, when we got back together he said he felt I had been blanking him and ignoring when he felt bad. This was because I felt like I had gone through every other option and finally decided that him being a moody bugger was not my responsibility.

We had a row at the weekend, I can't go into details now, no time. But for the first time I started to spell out to him how being around him feels to me, and that I have been trying to work on myself and make myself less controlling, less critical etc and that it is time he started to work on himself. How selfish I feel he is, everything has to stop because HE needs a cigarette or HE needs a beer or HE needs his sleep I am always the backstop, I always have been for him.

Something hit home I think, I can't remember what because this was Saturday and now it's tuesday, but he stopped and seemed to think about what I had said. Mood did not really lift next day though, even though row seemed to be patched up.

I feel close to tears all the time at the moment. Just feeling DBing was a waste of time.

Fran