aliens undercover: married to the pod

[hoosiermama]

D12 and I attended her "Pizza and PMS" program tonite. It was excellent. It began with a "body shop" educational session at a high-tech learning center. It talked about physical and emotional changes, then got into appropriate opposite sex relationships, abstinence, and how sex is used to sell products. After that, we returned to her school for pizza, then a couple of speakers. One was the mother of an 8th grader, who had her when she was only 15. By the grace of God she had a lot of family support,and they're both pretty solid young women. The other speakers were a mother-daughter team, who just spoke about their positive relationship. After that, there was an opportunity to do some brief goal-setting, then the girls got the letters that we solicited from friends and family members (and ones we wrote ourselves). D got a total of 13 notes! I think that was a record. They were basically letters affirming her as a young woman, boosting self-esteem. Everyone was crying! Closed with prayer, first mothers blessing their daughters then daughters blessing their mothers. For a bunch of middle-school girls, it was a really amazing thing! And two teachers, both about 26 years old, came up with the program themselves. I know it meant a lot to D. So it was educational, good mother-daughter bonding, affirmation of who the daughter is in her family, self-esteem building. I love holistic approaches!

I have to admit it was very hard for me to be back in the building. I think I have a lot more grief about the whole leaving-the-job thing than I realize since other things are more pressing.

D said she loved all her notes. However, since most of them mentioned the pending divorce and changes in her life, they made her sad. I didn't mention it in my note; I didn't feel the need for all the crap to define our relationship. And she noticed that, and appreciated it. She also articulated that while she was grateful that people who care for her understand that she's going through a hard year, and that's a kind of support, the support she really needs is for them to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Wow--sometimes she blows me away with her ability to cut to the chase and say exactly what she's feeling. I also felt profoundly sad seeing these letters and notes; all these folks sent them to school, and not to me to give to her. And these are people I no longer have relationships with, but H clearly still does. It really bothers me, grieves me even, that he seems to have lost nothing in spite of causing such devastation, but I have lost so much. And there's so little support, or even acknowledgement from people who used to be friends. I know, I know--this was D's evening, it wasn't about me. And I am truly happy that she felt so much love from folks, and that they haven't cut HER off. But sometimes the grief is a bit overpowering.

I want to end on a positive note tho, because this was just such a gift dropped in our laps. What a powerful message for these middle school girls, and for their moms.