Me too ...and yes, CJ is more sensitive than I am, and yes I've been accused of "Not Listening" and not remembering stuff he's said.
I'm not thick skinned, though, I'm rather sensitive too. Just kind of in my own world sometimes, I guess, or focussing on something else. (Yes, I'm kind of like a guy in this regard...can't watch TV and listen at the same time )
So my suggestion to you is to really tune in to his signals. That's what CJ and I do...we try to confer in private about whether we're staying somewhere etc. We're usually good at reading each other, and sometimes have to "give" and compromise.
So....how about telling your H that you're sorry you didn't take him aside and ask him what he wanted to do in private. Really, Fran, how hard would that have been?
Assure him that this IS something you can change, and will. It is kind of a courtesy thing, that when CJ and I "bail" from an event, we make it look like a mutual decision...or at times one of us will leave, while the other heads home...no problem.
Now about the kids and the magnets...kind of funny actually. But NOT to your H! I think I'd be more like him in trying to "please the hostess"...just the way I was raised. ..Thus, I imagine I'd feel stress in that situation, I'd pick it up too and have trouble letting it go.
See, I can feel both sides of this! I kind of wish I could be more laid back. Right now I'm empathizing with your H.
BUT...excellent discussion about it...this is NOT your old M, Fran...would it even have been discussed in a solution-oriented manner?
So I guess I'll end with suggesting that perhaps you empathize a bit with the stress these situations bring your H...I KNOW it's stress of his own making!!!...But it is SOOO unpleasant, and there are some concessions you can make to help him with it.
...and yes, CJ is more sensitive than I am, and yes I've been accused of "Not Listening" and not remembering stuff he's said. 
