Sandi's in Piecing and it's getting better

[lovehimso]

Dear Sandi,

You probably thought you'd never hear from me again considering my abrupt disappearance from the boards. I need to apologize to you, as I see you have been by my thread several times inquiring as to my whereabouts. I tried to explain on my thread the reasons for my absence, although I know that what I really should have done was explain BEFORE I left what I was doing, but I really didn't plan for things to happen the way they did.

I had decided to take a day off, just to try to let things settle in my mind. Then a day turned to two, then three, then I realized how much I had been obsessing about my sitch, and how beneficial it was to my state of mind to take a break from it for a while. Not that I really stopped thinking about it. I was just completely overwhelmed and needed time to figure some stuff out.

Never did I forget the support and advice offered to me by you, particularly, or by anyone here. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and caring towards me, and I feel like I have been insensitive to that by being silent for too long. I owe all of you an apology.

I hope that you will come back and "see" me on my thread. I feel like I am in a better place mentally than I was when you last heard from me. I really was a basket case. I still have the same issues as before, but I feel like, at the very least, I've got a "grip", so to speak. I finally feel as if I have taken some small steps forward, and even though I know that I will take some backwards steps, I feel encouraged and hope to continue the "two steps forward, one step back" process.

I hope you are feeling better than you were the last time I was around. I have thought about you daily and you have been in my prayers.

Hope to hear from you soon...

[MrBond]

Hey Sandi,

I put up a new question on my thread in Newcomers that I could use your sage advice on. Check it out if you have the time.

Thanks!

stuck

[sandi2]

Kristi, you owe no apologies sweetie. I am just thankful that you are okay and that you are back. You were being given a huge amount of information to process. We all do process differently, so to back off and have time to think about everything sounds perfectly normal. I read your post on your thread last night right before I went to bed and you sounded so much stronger.

There are times that I may go for a few days without being on, but it is usually b/c I am sick and don't feel like sitting at the computer. I have Fibromyalgia pretty bad and when it flares up big time....I am in pain all over and just can't do anything. That was what happen last week. In fact, I had the flu, the the stomach bug, then the Fibro flared, so me and the reclinere have become best buds

I went home for lunch and for some reason my computer could not connect with the Internet. So, I wanted to tell you and any of the rest of you that if it doesn't get straightened out this weekend, not to worry about me. But, I hope it does.....just knowing that I can't get on the Internet drives me crazy...lol. It is kind of like knowing the TV doesn't work......that is when you want to watch it!

Other than just cooping with the physical problems, things have been going pretty good and I feel that my H and I are so much closer these days. This time last year.....ugh, I wasn't so sure I would ever feel that way again. So, I say that hoping it will give some of you more faith. My H has been so good to me and I have a lot to be thankful for. Not many men would come home from working hard all day and then have to fix his own supper b/c his wife isn't able. He is good to go to the store to buy me medicine or just get something in the other room. We may not have a hot sizzlin sex like, but you know......these kinds of things count for a lot. There is one thing that I have noticed that he has tried to change and that is the fact when I say something.....he will look at me and give me his attention. Some of the ones that have been around a long time will remember me complaining about how that always drove me crazy when I would try to talk to him. So, even though I did make the statement once that he had done nothing to change or to "help" our stitch, I will have to back up on that part and say that he has changed there.

It takes a long time for some of us to come around, but don't give up hope. The main thing is to work on you. I think that is as much as what DB is all about as it is to bust a divorce.... to try to get yourself in better shape so you are ready to take on the world. That may include having somebody else in your life or not, but just knowing you will be stronger and happier and better all the way around.

When I get home.....and if I can get on the Internet, we will get down to brass tacks! But, if I can't, just stay busy and read some other threads.

Talk later,
Sandi

[AlexEN]

Sandi,

Hope you're feeling better!

Best,

-AlexEN

[Amy M]

Afternoon, Sandi! Just wanted to tell you that I got your message, and I'm sending hugs your way and prayer up on your behalf!!

Much love!
Amy

[Babygirl]

Hey Sandi, I just read about your fibro on amys thread, I came to offer you love and support, I have lupus, so I totally understand flares, and the lack of husbands understanding!! if you ever need to talk, or anything, let me know, Amy has me in the alt!!
Hugs to you sweetie!

[lovehimso]

Hi Sandi,

I haven't been around for a few days (multiple reasons), but I see you haven't been feeling well. I wish I could take on your pain just for one day, so you could have a break and could do some of the things you love to do.

I think it was on Tawnya's thread that I read your more thorough explantion of the "I'm sorry" issue, and I think Amy chimed in with some great insight as well. I finally get it! I'm going to take you up on your challenge to find different words like "excuse me" and reserve the "I'm sorry" for much more worthy occasions. I never realized how I was devaluing those words by using them so often. Something to think about...

Is there any way of getting in touch with you privately? There's something I need to "talk" to someone about, but I can't do it on the boards.

LHS

[sandi2]

lovehimso.....my heart goes out to you so much.

[lovehimso]

Thanks Sandi. Check your email!

[sandi2]

Good morning everyone. It is not quite 7:00 A.M. on Christmas Eve. Wow! I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. I plan to do more journaling on my thread this year b/c I am going to set some goals for myself and maybe you all will hold me accountable.....LOL. I need to be accountable to somebody in order to keep me motivated. My health is not as good as it should be and the doctor is really concern about me getting this weight off. I am embarrassed to say this, but after I stopped contacting the OM, and as my health declined, I went into a "funk" as Tawnya would say, and all I could do was sit around and not get any exercise. Since I don't smoke or drink......well, guess what I turn to? Food! So, I have packed on the pounds in the past two years. My family is very concerned about my health and my body has been talking to me, so I know I need to listen and take heed. This is my area of weakness. Remember me telling some of you that everyone has an area of strength and an area of weakness? Well, this is my weakness. I turn to food when I am sad, lonely, depressed, bored.....all the negative emotions makes me want to eat. I eat at times of celebration, also, but you know, when I am excited or very happy.....I don't have that "need" to constantly be munching on something. Well, enough about that.

I know it isn't New Year's Day yet when resolutions are usually made....or is that New Year's Eve? At any rate, I am making an early one beginning today. I resolve to be the best I can be and do the best I can do under whatever circumstances come my way For those of you that know my health problems, you will understand that is a big hunk that I just bit off. Like Monday and Tuesday, I did nothing but lie around b/c the Fibromyalgia was bad and I was trying to save all my energy for Christmas Eve. That is our big day on my side of the family and then tommorow will be the other side of the family. The out-laws.....er.....I mean, the In-laws. (Just kidding)

I know this is going to be a very hard time for so many of you. I have many of you that I know by name on my heart today and have prayed for you and called your names before the Lord, and those I can't remember or don't actually know yet.....I still ask God to help you through this time. I would think it would be the most difficult time of the year to face a S or a pending D. Those of you I have met on here and have chatted with......you are stronger than you give yourself credit for and I know that you can do it. I see you getting stronger with each post you write. There are so many of you that I think of as my adopted children (and please don't take that as an insult by calling you children....it is symbolic) b/c I take you and your stitch into my heart. There are only a few things that can hurt more than splitting up a family. But, there are some things that are actually worse.....we just won't get into that b/c it is too depressing here on Christmas Eve. The point I want to make is that life does go on even if at this moment some of you feel like it has stopped. I know you have heard it a hundred times......"Don't give up", but that is almost the theme around here b/c you can't give up.......and you can move forward and you will survive if you will stick together here with us......there have been so many to prove that to be true.

I must go now b/c I eat breakfast with my mother on Christmas Eve. I don't mean to sound conceited when I say this, but I entertained my family for 18 years in my home on Christmas Eve, after my dad died, and I really made a big to do over it. I think they sort of look to me to .......well, you know....help with the "fun" of the family party. Pray for me that I can do that for them tonight.....that I can be "fun" for my family b/c if I am quiet and don't feel good.....it will bring them "down" and I don't want to ruin anyone's Christmas. Also, please pray for my two children that they will be well and won't be in so much pain that they cannot enjoy the celebration. That is always my prayer, that my family may be feeling well and happy.

May God bless each and every one of you. My heart goes out to you parents who cannot be with your grown children who may be in the war or are away from them for other reasons. I know it hurts very much.

I pray that each one of you will find peace in your lives this coming year.

Love to all,
Sandi