And I'm Still Learning

[Tawnya]

Beth..oh sure I totally understand that..glad to know you are out there somewhere..I just thought if we ever wanted to try to have a meet up IRL at some point it would be helpful I just hate that we are "semi close" in proximity and can't be there for each other IRL as well as we are on here anyway

Besides..who couldn't use a girl's night out or away eh?

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya,

That would be great. We will figure something out, right? I called about tango lessons today. I start next Tuesday. I am pretty excited about it.

Let you know how it goes.

Beth

[Tawnya]

OOh..cool tango lessons..that would be very cool

I picture you with the rose in your hair, a beautiful red dress, and working it out girl

Let me know!

Tawnya

[nw626]

Hi Beth
I am glad to see you doing better, at least based on what you posted. Having my S here this week, I could not stopped by as often as I want.
I think the letter will be good. Like you said, keep it on the light side. Again, don't expect anything, reply, phone call, meeting etc....just knowing you probably can crack a smile on him.
Tango....interesting. Do I hear ABBA playing in the background..?
'Dancing Queen, Dancing Queen....'

Keep up the good work.

NW626

[ff468]

Beth
Love the idea of the "plants" sending the email. I have used this, from the 'dogs", on my W with good results. When I do something funny she usually responds. Glad to see she can still laugh at me.
Last night when she called toled her NOT to think about me. What do most people do when you tell them Don't? Psych warfare:)
I hope that your email meets your H with a happy thought of you. I am sure he is hurting too, we just don't see that as we are caught in our own pain. At least I am.
I too wish there were a play book, would make our lives a bit more predictable. We will all be stronger taking things as they come and building ourselves.
B

[Tawnya]

ff4..I like that thought..we will get stronger taking on things as they come and building ourselves..definitely true!! I have learned a lot about myself during this process that's for sure.

{{Beth}} Hope you are having a good day my friend and not having to work too hard!

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

ff, NW626 & Tawnya,

Thanks for writing. I hope you are all well today. I have been busy at work, which is good but got a bad feeling in my stomach about H.

This happened several times about 10 days before I heard from mutual friend that H is not doing well, messing up at work and before I saw him for myself. I think the feeling was just intuition that he was not well. Nothing hooky, just the sort of sixth sense one develops for a loved one.

Well, I have it again and I am waiting for the other show to drop but I do not know what that is. Also, it might not be my sixth sense. I am also just plain old upset about the sitch.

Trying so hard to stay in the moment but it really takes effort. Mymind just keeps going back to the thought that as it is now, as it shall forever be. You know what I mean. H cut me out, he's done and not looking back. And man that hurts.

So, I try to talk myself down, remind myself that you have no idea what will happen tonight, tomorrow or the next day. But then the next day comes and it is more of the same - no contact.

I want so desperately to stop missing him so much. I am so tired of fighting off the memories that keep popping into my mind.

I know I need a lot more patience than I have and I need faith in the process and myself and H.

This is such a long hard battle and today I feel a bit battle-weary.

[Tawnya]

{{{{Beth}}}} I hear you on the battle weary, I am feeling that way myself so much today..no really good reason, just "is" the way I feel today!

I hope you are ok and maybe you can do something fun and/or good to take your mind off it..

I am not at all helpful, but just know I'm hear and I totally understand the way you feel..if only there was a magic wand so we could make this feeling go away eh? LOL

Hugs to you

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya,

Do not sell yourself short. Your kind words and caring always help me feel better. I am sorry to hear you are feeling the same today. It just feels endless sometimes.

Planning a workout after work to do something positive for myself.

A couple of people at work today pi$$ed me off. One was cracking jokes about how it would have been so funny if I had refused to tell H where I am taking riding lessons, saying "telling you that makes me uncomfortable." (That is what H said to me when I asked if I could have the address of his apt.) There is nothing funny about any of this. I know he was trying to lighten the mood but, man, it would have been better to just say nothing. The other one is this little baby lawyer who has a great big ego. I was talking to a third attorney who asked how H is doing, explaining that I think a big part of his unhappiness is his big firm life and hours. I said that not everyone is cut out for that life and the pipsqueak says, "yeah, I'm more worried about the people who are cut out for that life." This little snot is the type who has to contribute to any conversation within his earshot, whether he was included or not and always has to "one-up" the talker. He knows about my sitch and it just pi$$ed me off.

Bad day all around I guess.

[Tawnya]

{{{Beth}}} Ugh..I'm sorry..people sometimes really don't get it and it definitely doesn't help anything does it?? LOL..

I will say, that one thing I know I will take away from this whole experience, for the rest of my life, is to be so much more aware of people going thru this, and to lend an ear, a hug, or to cry with them..I know how much it means to ME when people do this on this site, who don't know me from anyone, who I now feel closer to than most people I know offline..

I guess it's true that sometimes you really don't know until you "walk a mile in someone's shoes" eh?

Hope your workout made you feel better my friend

Tawnya