I did survive it, but on the pain scale it was between taking my eyes out with a melon baller and removing my own appendix with a disposable razor.
As I sat across from STBXW, I recognized the outer container, but inside the container was someone I didn't recognize at all. Metaphaphorically, I can't believe anyone could do this to someone they promised to stay with forever, much less to the kids they brought into the world.
The mediator asked if we had talked about what we wanted to do. STBX smugly sais "I've tried on at least two occassions". You all know by now what any type of engagement on any level gets me with her. I get tied up with my own words by her, no matter if she asks "What time is it?"
STBX states, again, like I'm a child, maybe I should meet with my attorney to have a "basic review of finances". She's probably right. One major mistake I made over our 22 years was not understanding or caring about finances. It just wasn't an interest or important for me. She was a math major and spent ten years as a benefits and actuarial analyst, and was great with finances. I was good at what I did. I went from a classroom teacher to a building administrator at one of the best schools in the state. I went from a second lieutenant in the Reserves to two ranks below brigadier general, and with that, a nice increase in the standard of living for all of us. I just turned all the money over to her, because my focus was elsewhere, like making more of it. My bad. I still don't really care a lot. Hmm?
FLTC, you don't have to do mediation!!! You can let the lawyers duke it out. However, that could be a lot more expensive. Just don't give your money away please! Even though it's not your top priority it shouldn't go to HER!!! The mediator I went to was very helpful in giving us financial advice and tax perspectives(from both our viewpoints). Does your mediator help at all with that? Just don't agree to anything until your lawyer reviews the proposed settlement!!!!! (again, I am saying this because I was a blubbering idiot when I faced my H and agreed to things that were to his advantage!!!)
I did a lot of reading.Checked out lots of library books.......things like Finances for Dummies series, and even do it your self divorces so I would feel more prepared. Wish I could remember names of helpful books. I did feel more empowered (although I still cried whenever I saw my H!!!)
No matter what it is a horrible experience(like Hill said it's worse than anything you dealt with in Iraq!!!) You WILL get through it, though!!!
I will be contacting my lawyer today. I'm just not going to agree to anything. I want it to be fair. Period. I'm not trying to gouge anyone. Donna had some great advice for me.
It shouldn't cost too much for him to look over the basic stuff. And before you guys sign the final agreement you definitely should have him look at it. I know you know that, just can't help but nudge LOL. It's one of my great faults.
Hang in there.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I sent everything back and forth with the L via email. Only charged the time it took her to read and respond (verses the times we would talk, and she played therapist).
I sent him the stuff yesterday and have an appointmment next week. It still seems so surrealisitc, seeing your name on a court docket. I have to attend the insulting "Parenting Class" that the court mandates, and of course pay $125 so some unqualified state social worker can tell me not to bad mouth my former spouse to my kids. It frosts my as&!
I really do get the "kidnapped by aliens" analogy that is used in DB. I don't recognize who my STBX is. Her anger/controlling behavior has almost been magnified.
I'm starting to feel the "suck"-factor from the approaching holidays. Ugh!!!!
STBX was almost apoplectic because I had not been notified of the mandated parenting class by my attorney. Apparently I have to attend it by 90 days after "BEING SERVED" (Still LOVE the divorce vernacular... "SERVED", "THEIR FATHER", you get it!)
She asked the mediator if it would delay the process, apparently not wanting to continue to be married and "exercising" with a married guy. At least she cuts the number of married adulterers in the sack by half. I plan on attending on day 89.
The court mandated parenting class is all about the kids, not your fight with your spouse. The social workers are highly trained, care about children and know they're working with people who on average don't want to be there. During the break I spoke to one and found her to be very caring, compassionate and helpful..
The earlier you take it the better, when it comes to the care of your children in this chaotic time.
It's all about the kids.
It's all about the kids.
It's all about the kids..
What should be your first priority.
I took as as soon as I got a docket number. I wanted to know any and everything I could that would help my kids during this, what could help me be a better mom. I learned some techniques I found very helpful. Spouse took it and walked away thinking everyone else's kids were really screwed up.
You get out of it what you put in to it.
It's all about the kids.
If you want to stretch out the divorce process in hopes that she'll reconsider that's your choice.
You're of course, right. I am particularly bitter this morning, and of course, my comments were a reflection of my frustration, and you know some days are waaaayyyyyyyy worse than others. I am so frustrated with everything, but the latest with not seeing my D16 every day.
I call her daily, constantly trying to plan stuff with her. She is usually too busy or too angry or too whatever. If none of this happened, I would be home with her every day by 5PM and would see her every day. I dropped my S10 off this morning, like a CD back to a RedBox, making sure I followed the "Parenting Plan", so I wouldn't get charged late fees. Yeah, I'm bitter and angry today. Maybe it will pass. I never reflect any of this to anyone but the folks on this board. My kids never see this side of me, nor do my co-workers. Yes, I know what I need to do. Most days are better than this, but today is particularly rough, as has been the last week. I HATE all of this (as do you all, I get it) I know it's all a choice on my part. It will get better, as will my attitude, but I have an immense case of the as& right now
I know you know that, just can't help but nudge LOL. It's one of my great faults.