Thanks for writing. I hope you are all well today. I have been busy at work, which is good but got a bad feeling in my stomach about H.
This happened several times about 10 days before I heard from mutual friend that H is not doing well, messing up at work and before I saw him for myself. I think the feeling was just intuition that he was not well. Nothing hooky, just the sort of sixth sense one develops for a loved one.
Well, I have it again and I am waiting for the other show to drop but I do not know what that is. Also, it might not be my sixth sense. I am also just plain old upset about the sitch.
Trying so hard to stay in the moment but it really takes effort. Mymind just keeps going back to the thought that as it is now, as it shall forever be. You know what I mean. H cut me out, he's done and not looking back. And man that hurts.
So, I try to talk myself down, remind myself that you have no idea what will happen tonight, tomorrow or the next day. But then the next day comes and it is more of the same - no contact.
I want so desperately to stop missing him so much. I am so tired of fighting off the memories that keep popping into my mind.
I know I need a lot more patience than I have and I need faith in the process and myself and H.
This is such a long hard battle and today I feel a bit battle-weary.
