Bill...belated thanks for your kind words. My Thanksgiving went well. My W decided to split the day fairly. We decided 8-4, 4-12. I picked up my kids at 4. She said nothing to me but that is the standard right now. I did great during the day. Did some chores, etc.
Although for the present, I have not seen anger or vindictiveness of late, I am a nonentity in the house:
my laundry doesn't get done or folded
no meals are prepared for me
I do not get coffee brought home anymore
my only communication is when the kids go for health appts or to confirm if I will be home when she has to go somewhere
there is no spontaneous communication to me
I had a rough emotional week last week. I call them inner emotional backslides. I needed to call two of my supporters here. I met with my IC and went for a long walk with her. She lets me direct where we go. I brought up why...why after all this time...do I still languish and have an ounce of hope left in there when there is none? Truly, there isn't. My W despises me. Ironically, she told me she sees a lot of improvement. She saw me as much more assertive and ..then...we reviewed Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' stages:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
My IC sees me now in the last stage.....acceptance.
I treat my STBXW with respect as best I can. I say hello. I tell her that I will see her later (she doesn't respond to me). I support her when she needs 'assistance' with the kids. I offered to help bring the tree up from the basement. However, when I began to decorate some today, she told me to hold off on her stuff as she is not 'going gang busters' on the decorations. She gave me a list of what she bought...probably not so that I wouldn't duplicate it but so not to show her up since Hanukkah is on the 21st.
She then told me that she was taking the kids with her parents to see the Christmas Show in NYC on the 15th. I told her great, and, added, that I told my family that I didn't want anything re a party for my 50th (in February) but I may want to go away with the kids (winter break). She got defensive, and, classicly, she changed everything I said around:
W: I'm allowed to take a vacation with the kids. My last vacation was Disney World (that was in 2005 pre-bomb).
Me: XXX....I didn't say you couldn't. It's been a rough 2 years and you deserve a vacation. I said that I was thinking of going away with them for my 50th BD.
Except for one frame, all our photos are down. it's just a matter of time. Our court date was cancelled yesterday. My practice appraisal was not completed. I think she is pissed. She wants me out.
Finally, I have stopped my fear of answering the phone if her family calls. Her sister called this morning. She actually was nice to me...even apologized for not thanking me for cards that I had sent her on the birth of her twins. In a world of divorce, she actually seemed nice to me. I thanked her....congratulated her on her new family....and reminded her that when the kids were stronger (were premature)...to invest in a baby sitter and get out with her H. It felt good, but, who knows what is real or fake anymore.
I keep my head up as best I can. I registered D5 for girls lacrosse at her request. I am upbeat. I play with them. I do homework 2X a week with them. I let my W be the MegaMom in the morning. I say nothing when she goes out at night.
I am still saddened at the loss of my M, but, I KNOW in my heart that she would have continued this pattern of behavior.
Sadly, some marriages were not meant to be saved.
Strength and honor. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
