The reason why I ask those questions is because it seems that you are at the point of having a heart to heart or giving an ultimatum. Why not try the heart to heart with no distractions? If she rolls her eyes, you call her on it. If she said it is unnecessary to do x, y, z, you say it is necessary for YOU. Tell her the things you have noticed her doing for you, tell her the things you have been doing for her, and then explain that you need a few more things in order for the marriage to go anywhere. YOu may give your ultimatum in the end, but at least you talked to her first without assumptions.
