Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

I've asked her repeatedly to read books, go to Retro, talk to a pro marriage counselor and she's refused. Won't even discuss it.

She's mad at me and feels hurt because I told the kids what was going on. Mind you, I gave her 7 months to end her affair before telling them and both the boys ended up THANKING me for telling them the truth, but she has said that I shouldn't have involved the kids in an adult situation. I guess she thinks having an affair and planning on introducing your kids to your affair partner is ok, but not them knowing the truth. And yes, I KNOW she was going to try to introduce the POS to my kids. She asked S16 if he wanted to go to the football game that she went to with OM last Oct. She's also very hurt that I told OMW that she needed to get tested for STD's. I know I've mentioned it before, but W has one (from a relationship prior to our marriage). And so do I, from her. No, she never told me about it before it was too late for me also. She is convinced I told OMW to hurt her. Couldn't be farther from the truth. I told OMW for one reason. So she could protect herself. That's the only reason.

I've told her on a number of occasions that for her to let go of her feelings for OM she has to get rid of the glass/undies/pictures from her affair. All she says is "it's just a glass". "They're just undies". I say, "if it's just a glass, then what is the problem getting rid of it" and she says "it means nothing, it's just a glass". Now you and I know that's bullchit, but she either doesn't see the harm or loves how it makes her feel and won't let that go.

Yes, I mentioned a number of times me telling her how much pain I was in from her affair and she just rolled her eyes.

Again, educating herself on the difference between love and lust just isn't going to happen unless they give those educations in the romance novels. Oh yeah, that's right, in those novels they glorify affairs. In fact, she had one of those books laying around and S16 picked it up and he was so pissed he threw the book on the floor. Know what the cover said? "She never knew what passion was until she met him. Even though they would never be together, their affair set her free". Just how am I supposed to put my marriage together when she's reading this crap?

Your last paragraph is the exact reason I think I need to take S16 and move without her. I feel that's the only way she's going to figure out what she wants. And if it's not me, so be it, but at least S20, S16 and I will be removed from the lies, the secrecy, the ambivalance.

Ok, hit me in the head. I've made great progress. We're friends now, it'll come........yeah, right.