Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[NikB]

Hey Trixi,

I think some of your ideas will help - definitely sparking some thought. Thanks!! I really do need to post some of the swirl of stuff in my head soon... getting it out there (and getting feedback) would probably help a ton.

Hmm...well, is it so wrong to think that if you are sleeping with someone that it's "ok" to send a text? In fact, maybe I will say it like this: I don't ever have to "wonder" if it's okay for me to text any of my other friends. I was concerned that I would be chastised for sending texts to him... sigh, I don't know.

Oh, I completely agree - it should be OK! That's where the whole boundary/self respect thing comes in. Are you willing to sleep with someone who you're not sure whether it's OK to send him a text?

That's an interesting perspective. I hadn't really considered it that way; I was looking at the need to get stronger as just a means to finally end this crap. Not that it would benefit the relationship. ... that gives me a lot to chew on.

I'm glad! I was afraid you might be thinking of it that way, that strong=done. It really opened my eyes when OT posted to me about detachment being a HEALTHY thing in any R, including a marriage. Two strong, healthy people in an R is so much better than one or both appearing "weak" or needy.

Well, the way she puts it mostly is to get out. If you aren't being treated as "The One", just get out.

Yeah... I kinda figured that. I think TO A POINT that makes sense, but there's the flip side that you in a long term R, you aren't always, every single day or interaction, going to be treated as "The One." It's part of the give and take in an R.. you deal with those days when the person just doesn't have it in them. How LONG you deal with that is a whole other question.. but the "this isn't perfect, GET OUT" sentiment isn't exactly R/M healthy.

Oh wait, there is a practical step. Twice a day, look at yourself in the mirror and say 3 good things about yourself that are observable, so that the ego can't argue. (ie, just saying "I'm great!" leaves too much room for the ego to argue.)

I really like this! Good idea. I bet it feels silly at first but I bet it works, too. Did I ever share with you that I used this CD for awhile?
http://www.amazon.com/Become-Totally-Pos...28243984&sr=8-3

OMG did it feel cheesy... but know what? It worked! I will never forget walking to my car shaking on the way to my fine needle aspiration appointment to test the lump I found (oh, and it was just a couple months after H moved out, not to mention a bunch of other stuff going on). I forced myself to listen to this CD all the way to the appointment. Just a few minutes into it I actually felt the stress and fear lessening. By the time I got there - would you believe I actually walked into the hospital / clinic smiling?? I was pretty impressed with how well it worked. Not a "miracle cure" by an means, but surprisingly effective.

Which reminds me - I think I should start listening to that again!

If you want to try something like that, pretty much all of the Bob Griswold CDs are well rated on Amazon - here's a link:
http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1228244432/r...bin%3A618076011

In fact I just ordered the Self-Image / Self-Esteem one.

Even flushing the toilet can be made into positive qualities - hygenic, responsible and clean. (!)

I just checked tickets- I can fly RT to Sacramento for $213. Suchadeal!