Wow WDID. Let me see if I can respond to your questions/comments.
No, I heard that "I haven't loved you our whole marriage" the same night I got the ILYB...speech. I guess my stating that she still thinks that way is based on her saying to me a couple months ago "you want me to tell you I'll try to make our marriage work, but I don't want to say that when I don't have those feelings". So as late as Sept she still doesn't have those feelings and to her, she has to have those feelings before she'll even say she wants to try. And it has nothing to do with not ML.
I'm KNOW she doesn't feel the connection is there. It was there while we were on vacation. But once she returned to work, BAM. I get the feeling that she's just playing along for the next couple years, still talking to OM periodically thinking that "if it's right between H and I, it shouldn't matter if I talk to OM". I know I can't read her mind, but if she's not thinking that, why wouldn't she get rid of her affair stuff even after I've poured my heart out to her how that stuff makes me feel? Are you sure she's dealing with her demons? She said to me in Sept, "Am I ashamed of what I've done? I guess a little. But I'm more ashamed of how you've hurt me in the past year". So what would that make you think? Sounds like someone who is still hanging on to the rationalization that yeah, what she did is wrong, but H is an animal so I was justified in doing it. Does she feell guilty? Doesn't seem to. When she sits and giggles when somethings on T.V. dealing with affairs. And when I try to tell her how her affair affected me and how much pain I'm in and she just rolls her eyes, it just doesn't sound like she feels guilty to me.
I gotta say, WDID, that just as an outsider looking in for these past several months on ol' H4U here, that this has been my perception as well. Now granted, I form my opinion about his wife, and her motivations, ONLY from his posts to us, but I'm pretty good at sniffing out real remorse from crocodile tears and stubborn bullchit, and I haven't seen much of the former from Ms. "Won't-Get-Rid-of-the-Affair Undies." Nope.
