Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[Trixi]

Hey Nik! Been thinking about you. I sure hope you find something in there (ideas) that helps. I know that OT suggested children as the ultimate thing to do with your partner; but sometimes it isn't practical or even desired. And there's nothing wrong with that.

So, on to what you wrote-

The sense of "entitlement" (for lack of a better word) because you let him sleep with you... does this feel/sound familiar?

Hmm...well, is it so wrong to think that if you are sleeping with someone that it's "ok" to send a text? In fact, maybe I will say it like this: I don't ever have to "wonder" if it's okay for me to text any of my other friends. I was concerned that I would be chastised for sending texts to him... sigh, I don't know.

Right now, it seems to me that you are ALSO not doing anything with your time that will advance your R. What are you doing to make YOU stronger? That's what will make your R/M better. Sitting around waiting, stewing about the meaning of vows you took, all that... won't.

That's an interesting perspective. I hadn't really considered it that way; I was looking at the need to get stronger as just a means to finally end this crap. Not that it would benefit the relationship. ... that gives me a lot to chew on.

I'm so glad you're doing that reading! What practical steps do they suggest to get to that goal?

Well, the way she puts it mostly is to get out. If you aren't being treated as "The One", just get out. Oh wait, there is a practical step. Twice a day, look at yourself in the mirror and say 3 good things about yourself that are observable, so that the ego can't argue. (ie, just saying "I'm great!" leaves too much room for the ego to argue.) If you are feeling like you can't come up with ANYthing-she even says start with the smallest thing, for instance- if you paid a bill, you can say that you were responsible, honest and trustworthy. Even flushing the toilet can be made into positive qualities - hygenic, responsible and clean. (!) She says to do this exercise for 18 mo- 2 years.

BTW - I am in a VERY similar place myself right now in terms of self doubt, feeling directionless, etc. so please don't take this that I have all (or any!) of the answers. I'm just throwing my thoughts out there in hopes that they help.

And I sure do appreciate it!!

I so wish you lived closer.. I think we could have a really awesome "all day long" chat over coffee and talk through all this stuff together!! In fact I even know a few girlfriends I'd invite and we could have one of those awesome "girl power" talks.

Ok. I'm flying down there!! Or driving. Or flying. And maybe I'm not kidding...