Sorry to hear of your situation and your wife's ongoing contact with OM.
Given you have cast iron proof of your wife's 11 minute phone call, I would raise this with her in a calm and non confrontational way. This is a time for you to to firmly state your boundaries and consequences for violating. Don't do this in a controlling way though...concentrate on how your behaviour will change if she continues to have contact rather than trying to make her change her behaviour.
I think you need to state to your wife that you prepared to work on your marriage, bringing all issues to the table, but this is not possible with a 3rd party involved.
I would ask that you and your wife draw up a no contact letter for the OM. The wording would be approved by you and it would be sent to the OM and received in a verifiable manner. Your wife would block his numbers from her phone(s) and his email addresses from her email. You would have access to her accounts and phone to verify no contact is taking place. If they work together, it would be best if she could find another place of employment. At very least, make sure she is not working anywhere near him of the organizaton is big enough. If the OM is married, I would also inform his wife.
These are your boundaries Gary, if she won't agree to all of them then you firmly and calmly tell her you cannot work on your marriage under these circumstances. After that, you work on yourself and be the best man and dad you can be and leave her to her little fantasy. If she is contacting the guy from your home and in front of you, I would tell her that she is being disrespectful and she must leave the house to do that.
This is a very difficult time for you Gary but I think if you make good boundaries and stick to them it will help you greatly, with your self respect if nothing else. Hopefully it will also knock your wife from the cake eating fence.
You need to show her that whilst you want her back, you are not prepared to totally compromise yourself to do it.
Best of luck to you.....Scotsman
PHENOMENAL post, Scotsman. Gary, you'd be exceedingly wise to read and heed. Everything you need to know and do is here ... the tough part is the "doing," for sure, but here's your roadmap.
