Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

I'll have to disagree with you some WDID. I think in W's mind, she'd have never done what she did UNLESS is was my fault in some way. Was our marriage perfect? Obviously not. But I guarantee you it wasn't so bad that this had to happen. But she still hangs on to the idea that it was justified because "she hasn't loved me for years, if ever". Now you and I know that's just fog thinking/gaslighting, but she hangs on to it. So how do I ever get her past that when she's got EGF filling her head with negative stuff?

I get the vacation buzz vs. home. But when we got home she was fine for 3 days, still had the connection, etc, but then she goes back to work and we're back to square one.

I understand completely what you're saying about needing to feel his love no matter what you did, but that's what I'm struggling with. Maybe I'm just too big of a bullhead, but W is the one that chose to cheat and I'm the one that has to pay for it? It just doesn't seem right to me.

And just how long can I continue to give while getting nothing in return while she figures it out? There just gets to be a point where you don't care anymore. Case in point. And you can call me perverted if you like, but last night she was sitting there folding her undies. I LOVE to watch her do that. It's a turn on for me. But last night, I just felt nothing. Don't get me wrong, there are still times when I find her so darn sexually appealing to me I can't hardly stand it, but more and more I look at her and just feel nothing. I find myself not really interested in what she has to say. I fake it great. I'm probably more of an attentive listener now than I was before the A, but now I sometimes find myself just going through the motions.

I don't know. Maybe she can detect that. I try to not let it show. But the wall she's built between us makes it so difficult to care.

I also don't know about contact with OM. One part of me thinks she's not contacting him and it's just triggers from work etc that set us back, but on the other hand, I've read enough books (Harley, Glass) that state that if a spouse is ambivalent about trying to make the marriage work they strongly suspect there's still contact going on and usually they're right.

We could go on like this forever. Her almost there, but still having the occasional contact with OM so she's always in a state of WD, if that's in fact what's happening. And I just don't know how much longer I can play this game. I mean, Back in mid Sept she claimed she hasn't talked to OM in months and I would bet this was true. We just seemed to be making progress, little by little. And then vacation but the first day back at work and it's like the previous 3 months progress are wiped out.

Ok, I've rambled enough. One last question. And I know everyone is different. How long after you last had contact with your OM did it take for you to start having 'those' feelings again?