Detach from it. You're right, you don't have to trust him, it is something that he has to earn.
I think right now you are still in shock from the whole it might be his kid thing. You have every right to be. But you are better than her, so keep your chin up and breathe.
Show him that you are the better one. Don't fight him, or her. You can't control their actions, only your own. I am in pain with you, but you have come too far to give it up now.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hey Sis. Listen to the advice you are being given. You need to stay strong for YOU, not him. This is his mess to wade through so let him. You only can and need to decide things for you and yoiu don't have to do that today. Let the emotions and feelings come as they will. You have a lot to get through and enough to deal with, without this chit being dumped on you as well.
Take it in small increments and deal with what you can and have to and let the rest go until you are ready. The most important thing to remember is worrying and stressing on it will only hurt you in the end. Take care of yourself and your kids first. Be good to yourself and don't internalize this nonsense.
You have asked God to take it from you, so give it to him and go on. You are way too strong a woman to let this be your breaking point.
If you ever want to talk I'm in the alt universe and can be reached through Kat or Karen. Find me and we can hook up. Your in my prayers.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Everyone is right {{{BG}}}} my friend..YOU are the strong one, you ARE the better one..YOU can do this..YOU take care of you and just breathe and take in the beauty of whatever moments you can find beauty in..the snowflakes, the sunrise, the sunset, the smell of chocolate chip cookies..something and KNOW we are here for you
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
hey remember what I said about not having to work on the M right this moment? YOU still work on YOU. you can tell H that you'd like to start as being friends if you'd like and that you need him to build the trust again. Or you can tell him your not kicking him out, but you need time to figure out what you need and that you'd like to take things one step at a time.
but what you still need to do is DB and work on you.
when we talked, you had said that you told H you weren't fine and that things were harder than you thought it would be, and H said, why because I'm here she's here and your there?
now, I just read page 3 and you wrote this...
Quote:
H called 45 minutes late, and could tell i was upset, and for once i didnt say i was fine, I told him, I am not handling you being there, when we know she is waiting to plead her side and talk you into leaving me, knowing that you said you wouldnt talk to her today, unless it was about work, that things with your son could wait til tonite. and the fact you called so late, just make it all even harder. he apologized and said but i love you.
now, what you told me was the perfect thing to say IMHO. however, if you said what you said above, then that is not very perfect.
Now, it is okay to share your feelings at times, but you need to be careful. You don't want to be the pitiful pleading and begging girl. it's better that OW be in that position because it's not a very pretty thing to do.
I know this is really hard, but try to remember how you would DB before, you still need to do it now too. Let him work for you.
I know you can be strong, because your stronger than almost all of us on here!!! I mean, gosh, everything your going thru health and emotional is more than many of us can imagine. So I know your tougher than nails. I know you don't want him to tell you to be it, but guys are stupid and don't know what to tell us. hahah. that is his way of trying to help you.
((((baby)))) you can get thru this, God is with you.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I seem to always be crossing paths with this lovely person named ST. Geez I sure wish she would talk to me ocassionally. bigtime LOL. (guess I had better see if she made it over to my new thread yet .. might have to eat my words ..doubt it)
Oh and Hi (((( BG )))). Your lovely plus you take the time out to talk to me which is even lovelier. That Crissy , i don't know ..not feeling any love from her ..lol.
thanks Kel. I cant wait to hear what you think. the boundaries are ok, need a real plan for it tho if i can make this work.
BG, What I think is that you were able to unload a little bit of how you feel and he was there, and listening and still wants to try.
You can make whatever choice, honey, but take your time. Do not make any choices while you are upset. And definitely consider talking to the doctor about something to help you sleep. I tell you from experience that I sleep better now because I did.
I think that he listened and he accepted blame is a good thing.
Can he change? I don't know. He will have to prove it to you.
I'm here if you need me. I am in the alt. universe, havent't found you yet.
KJ
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Oh and Hi (((( BG )))). Your lovely plus you take the time out to talk to me which is even lovelier. That Crissy , i don't know ..not feeling any love from her ..lol.
NU UH! I know you weren't talkin bout me! lol I'm gonna getcha now
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
