Hope, I am so sorry for all you've dealt with from your H. Please don't put blinders on concerning those little calls between H and hay woman. Why would he suddenly come clean on a Holiday about a PA that is over? To throw you off the trail of new ow. I hope I am wrong. I hope you aren't the recipient of any more emotional battering from your H. Find your strength again. (((((((1hope))))))))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hope, Sorry H wasn't home, and was at the bar. I hadn't really thought about it, but what WC says makes a lot of sense.
I hope you are in the hot tub, enjoying any beverage with a bit of alcohol in it! Take care of yourself. Thinking of you Hope! I still have on my rubber band. I had forgot about it.
H came home just before 9 and wanted to know if I wanted anything to eat. We ate something and talked. I was calm, on the outside, probably a first for me. I asked him what happened to our communication? I said that I needed a note or a call or soemthing if he was going to not be at home. He said I will do that if you don't get mad and hang up on me. I said I won't. We went on and talked about other things, the trivia game that they play on Monday nights at the pub, how much more snow we are supposed to get, small things.
I hadn't thought about the hay woman. His phone bill will be out within a week and I will look at it. I guess that will give me a bit more understanding. You guys are right. I have to get back to my strength and put these visions and thoughts out of my head.
Yesterday was very tough for me. My friends at work have already been thru so much with me, my cancer and then the discovery of H's EA. I just can't give them the verification of the PA. I am afraid that they will expect me to leave him. Also, they are good, caring and family people. They will develop an image of H, if they have not already, that probably will not fade. gerrrrr.
I did not go into the hot tub. H came home just about the time I began to think about it. Maybe when I get up. I'm tired of the fact that I no longer trust him. I have to get back to "Me" and not how he will make me feel. It's only been a couple of days since his revelation...maybe in time I'll come back into myself.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
H seems to be cycling thru a new phase now. Not quite alien but not the loving guy he was over the weekend. Now he seems a bit more stressed and if I can't go and have a few beers whenever I want that's no kind of life. In the next breath, where is my black vest, have you washed it yet, did you do my resume for the job bank, when are you going to do that, do I have to do it, I need plow statements, can you print those for me and do we have any envelopes? on and on and on. And that was only just this morning. I fell like I have a 10 year old child that was caught f'ing the stupid babysitter. Now I have to pick up the pieces.
Yes, I need to get back to center and find my strength. He needs to be supporting me. Not the other way around.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
hope sweetie, my H said the exact same thing, only thinking about himself, it hurts, bad. i am so sorry that he wasnt home, that is not the right thing for him to do. they need to be not only supporting us, but kissing our butts and making this right with us. hope the hottub is great! i bet its cold out there! love ya girlie
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Hey Hope, How are you this morning? How was the drive in? Is there more snow?
I read some of the Dobson book last night during the end of the game. It is an easy read, I made it through about 30 pages, and it is good. I wonder myself what happened to my H from the weekend to yesterday too. His alter ego was there last night. I guess I should have been expecting a pull back, since he had to go back to work and get back to his routine. I just hated it. Seems like your H just can't live without you and all that you do for him. I think that bothers my H some too. They have come to rely on us as much or more than we do them.
Take care of yourself H. I still have my rubber band on today too.
Guys, I don't really know how to explain what i feel at the moment. Hope, I know this isn't what you want to hear but, I think you knew to expect this. I wish for your sake that the MLC stuff would just go away with the revelation, but it won't. It is still going to be up and down for a while. You still need to focus on you. You are not far enough out in remission yet. Please do whatever it is you need to for your health.
BG-your H is waiting for you to make choice. And even then, it is not going to be easy. Hang in honey.
MT-you just have to keep plugging. You really do. You know it't going to be long and hard, but you are starting to do what MT needs to do instead of waiting for H to dictate your choices.
My H, I still pretty sure MLC. But I think we have reached an understanding that we can both live with. Stop hurting each other and let each other figure out who we each really are. I know that all of this is not as much about R as we would like to think. But about them knowing themselves. Being able to love themselves. And it is the same for us.
Not my best work today, but better than what I might have said yesterday. Love you guys.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
