For the Guy with Kids and a WW Vinte (20)

[hopeful4her]

kat, beej, karen, ILF. Thanks.

One or the other. Pick one. I have to pick the backing off, as hard as it seems to be for me to do. I have to keep telling myself that it is for the best. For me AND the kids.

ILF, we haven't begun any discussion about Christmas. I think that I'll have to be the one to just ask if she wants Christmas Eve or Christmas day, and I need to do it soon.

Dinner went well, for the most part, but it did help me set my head straight. I did it up. The dinner, I had some wine, candles throughout the house. We waited until about 7:45 to eat because she and S14 still hadn't called or shown up. We were watching the Grinch when I started to get us served. If they show up they show up. I hadn't told the girls about her coming because I didn't want them to be disappointed when she didn't show, which I had fully expected.

As I'm serving, she shows up. Turns out that today was supposed to be her late day, until 6:30.

Thanks for calling and telling me.

I get everything situated and served. I get everyone served. The wife sat at the table, so I ended up serving her too. I had planned on sitting on the opposite place that I usually sit, so that I could watch the tv with the girls while we ate. My usual spot has my back to the tv. The wife ended up not sitting in her usual spot because D7 had taken it, so we still ended up seated next to each other. D7 asked, "Dad, how come your not sitting in the Kings chair?"
"I took the Queen chair so I could watch tv with ya'll tonight."

At Thanksgiving, A's daughter kept calling the chairs on the ends, the Kings chair and the Queens chair, even though, normally, the wife sits right next to me.

During dinner, we're all talking when her phone rings. Turns out to be A. She missed the call, but she left a message. Then the wife got concerned, hoping that she's okay. I tell her to call her from my phone, because her phone has bad reception at the house. She calls her and I hear, "Well, just get yourself back here." Turns out that she has been in Cali for the past two days, living out of the front seat of her vehicle with her daughter and dog. Her brother won't return her calls. I tell the wife that I had offered her a place to stay if she needed, when she was here last Thursday.

Drama.

Next, while we are all still at the table, D7 decides to ask the wife if we are all going to be together for Christmas. The wife says that she didn't know yet. D7 starts to say that she wanted us to be together because it is fun together. Ten minutes later, D7 asks the wife,

"Mom, if we were here and daddy was here and there was, um...another man that was here, and daddy didn't like him, which one would you want to be your husband?"

S14 says, "Juli! Cut it out!"

"I don't pick anyone" says the wife. D7 just looks at her and then looks around at S14 and then myself. She is sad and the tears start to come down.
"Whats the matter?" the wife asks her. I tell S14 to leave her alone.
"Well why does she ask that?" he asks.
"Because she is SEVEN" I tell him.
The wife hugs D7. "I'm just being honest with you. You can ask me anything, but you might not like the answer. It might not be what you want to hear. You have a daddy and a mommy that loves you so much. We love you."

I realized then and there that I need to stop doing this, for my kids. The wife is not going to snap out of it.

We stay at the table for about another 10 minutes. D7 has already forgotten and starts to jump rope, to show mom how good she has gotten. I get up and start to clear the table. I'm sure I looked disappointed, but I was trying not to show it. The wife checks D7's homework and I do the dishes. I get D7 into the shower and finish in the kitchen. The wife comes to chit chat a little. Her face shows a disappointment too. I can just tell. Her guilty face. We are uncomfortable now. We talk a little about nothing, then we sit in front of the tv. She peels an orange and I grab some pie she had made the other day and some coffee. She waits until both girls had showered. S14 was in his room doing some homework. We get the girls to bed and then they are ready to go and I walk them to the door. She tells me thanks for dinner and I tell her no problem. Then we say goodnight to each other.

So, just as I concluded at church, I release her. I'm not trying anything anymore. No contact, unless it concerns the kids. No more emails or texts, unless it concerns the kids.

My poor Juli. I feel so bad for her and its my fault. My trying to keep it going with the wife is not helping HER, and that is whats most important to me. The kids. I don't want them confused anymore. We spend too much time all together. The wife wants it all. Her seperate life from me, to be with OM, I'm sure, and to maintain the family life.

And again, thats my fault, but not anymore. So now, in protecting them, I'm going to protect myself too. The wife wants to continue her downward spiral, fine, but she's not going to take us with her. I don't plan on ignoring or being mean. Just, not there anymore.

And I'm definatly ok with that now. If I don't move past her, she is just going to bring me down and I'm not going to allow that.

I'm the one that will be better off in the long run.