I have been talking your situation over with H and I know that I heard all of that almost word for word. H says that it is not fears that feelings will not change but fear of the past. All you want is the future but it is difficult to see one. Yes, they have lived on adrenaline for so long that they almost become addicted to it and yes they have a death wish. They want to put themselves in danger. He says that by being there constantly drip feeding him little memories of happy things that happened in the past it helped. He says at the time his hackles rose and he hated being reminded but in the end it did help. I am afraid that you just have to stand there and take the flack if you want to try and keep your marriage. Try not to despair and just tell him that you love him and want to be his friend - because boy do they need one. PTSD and MLC together is really tough and it doesn't help if they don't admit they have PTSD. I am not convinced that your H is in MLC just suffering from PTSD. His job is probably not helping him and he really needs to talk to someone. Even when my H was officially diagnosed with it he still said that he was playing the game to get retirement and wasn't really suffering from it. Have you been on any of the PTSD forums? I hope some of this helps.
