My inner child is hurting so bad that I am having the hardest time seeing past my own hurt to his. I have to soothe the little girl that felt abandoned, unworthy of love, time or attention a good part of her life.
At the same time, I absolutely have to see and acknowledge his hurt. Because when I read your threads, and those of the other WA's I know how he must have felt to get to the point of wanting to separate. The pain and the guilt are killing me.
You know, I'm just me. I'm not rich, I'm not perfect, I maybe weigh all of about 102 right now. My marriage is hanging by a very thin thread and I'm scared.
He needs peace. I want to give him that. I have to give him that. I love him so much.
Doesn't change the fact that I don't know how to handle this pain and my own fears, and the past that keeps threatening to swallow me whole.
I pray to my Father in Heaven that he reach out and hold me and comfort me. Give me Your strength and carry me when I can no longer crawl.
Rule #1 sweetie, save yourself first ! Put on your own oxygen mask, then try to help him with his.
Guilt is there to help us know that we'll do differently next time. Let it go. It's toxic.
You are a good & beautiful person.
But..... you cannot give him peace. He has to find that for himself. He's not perfect either. He has 100% responsibilty for his 50% of the relationship.
Hugs & Love
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
