H came home just before 9 and wanted to know if I wanted anything to eat. We ate something and talked. I was calm, on the outside, probably a first for me. I asked him what happened to our communication? I said that I needed a note or a call or soemthing if he was going to not be at home. He said I will do that if you don't get mad and hang up on me. I said I won't. We went on and talked about other things, the trivia game that they play on Monday nights at the pub, how much more snow we are supposed to get, small things.
I hadn't thought about the hay woman. His phone bill will be out within a week and I will look at it. I guess that will give me a bit more understanding. You guys are right. I have to get back to my strength and put these visions and thoughts out of my head.
Yesterday was very tough for me. My friends at work have already been thru so much with me, my cancer and then the discovery of H's EA. I just can't give them the verification of the PA. I am afraid that they will expect me to leave him. Also, they are good, caring and family people. They will develop an image of H, if they have not already, that probably will not fade. gerrrrr.
I did not go into the hot tub. H came home just about the time I began to think about it. Maybe when I get up. I'm tired of the fact that I no longer trust him. I have to get back to "Me" and not how he will make me feel. It's only been a couple of days since his revelation...maybe in time I'll come back into myself.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
