Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

Thank you friends....your compassion and kindness is what helps me get past the ugly anger that I feel at times. I see so many of you able to finally accept the inevitable and come to terms with the situation. I am inspired by your strength and wisdom, but also gain solace knowing that we all fall at times. It is part of healing....purging the saddness of what could have been from our souls and seeing what now is instead.

Today I started to pack up the remainder of his things. I moved O Enlightend One's couch and chair and dishes into the garage along with some boxes of things. I have covered them with sheets to help protect them. I am not out to screw him (well, truth be told, if I could make things hurt for him I would but that is not a healthy train of thought....)so am looking at "protecting" his things to some degree. Tomorrow my son and I will finish decorating the house for Christmas. I am determined to make this Christmas the best possible for us. There will only be 2 stockings hanging from the fireplace this year. That is hard, but it is what it is.

I have forgiven myself for the anger I carry. I know it is part of healing as long as I let it go in a healthy way. When the waves hit, I try to find productive ways to release it...I journal/cry/vent/scream in privete and then let it go. It is getting easier. There are still moments of "Why?????" but I know there are no answers. He is lost and chose his broken path, I am trying to heal in a healthier way.

I have decided not to try and have friendships with single men right now. I am not in a place where I can handle it. My three seperate attempts have all ended very uncomfortably...mostly with them wanting more from me and I am not in a place to give ANYTHING to them. I think I am just niave about this stuff. I mean, I have been with OEO since I was 17. I truly dont know what the rules are. My brother keeps telling me that men DONT want to be friends with women, they either want sex or a R. I am not in a place to give either so am pulling back. I am comfortable and happy with who I am, feel that I am attractive and know that I do have alot to offer a partner when the time comes. The time is not right yet. I need to heal my broken heart first and then I can look to moving on. I know that all men are not like OEO. I know there are good guys out there. I am just not ready to be with them yet. So, eye candy guy is going to have to be let go....and OH MY GOD, he really was hot. Again, it was a PMA thing, but I am just not ready for all of the icky stuff that comes along with this......seems the guys I meet are wanting so much more from me than I am wanting to give. Lesson learned. I will know when it is right.

[Ready2Change]

Hey BH,

Thanks for sharing the boundary post. Helps alot....

*HUGS*

[runningoutoftime]

I just don't understand where these women come from who want these kind of men? I just don't get why anyone would choose leftover moldy hamburger when good steak and lobster still exists?

BTW, my suggestion is go out with girl friends and groups of women and men. Never go out with men alone and you can have fun. Don't give out your number and when some guy adores you just say you won't be seriously dating (going out on dates with individual guys until.... such and such time... like a year or two down the road). Only meet eye candy and others in groups. Never go out on individual dates. That's what I did during my D and I still had a lot of fun!!! You can flirt and talk with guys, but it avoids all the pressure of a date (yuck!).

Any super great guy who really likes you is going to decide you are worth waiting for, and will be happy just being your friend for now!

[No Longer BH]

ROOT - thanks for the advice. I agree, groups are the way to go. That is mostly what I do...go out with my female friends. All but one are M and the one singleton is going through a MLC of her own. That it makes it kind of hard to relate when going out but I find ways to have fun.

OEO has sent me an email today. I have not read it. It actually makes me very anger (and we all know that I have enough anger already). I feel like he is refusing to honor my boundaries. Well, he is going to have to learn that just because he sends an email doesnt mean I will read it and respond to it. He HAS to go through my brother if he wants contact. He could not even go an entire week without trying to have contact.

I have a question for all of you wise DBers. First of all, I have to preface that when it comes to MLC, I have lost all faith in DBing techniques. Maybe I am jaded, maybe it it just the anger. I feel like I kept holding on to the idea that I could save my marriage alone if I just did all of the right things. Well, I did them and he still chose his distructive path. I no longer want to drown with his sinking ship and trust me it is spirally down.

My question is, should I start acting like I am D? What I mean by that is when it comes to OEO's weekly visits, I am still allowing him to come into my home for them. I kind of feel like I am making things pretty easy and he is invading my space. He is not being forced to face the reality of his decision. I truly want my S to have a R with his father, yet how far do I go for OEO? If we were D today he would NOT be able to set foot in my home, yet that is what I am allowing him to do. Should I continue this or should I cut it off along with everything else so he has to face the reality of his choices?

I appreciate all of your insight and am looking forward to your all of your wisdom. I am just trying to heal at this point......