Hang in there, man. Keep the big picture ahead of you. You don't have to "give up" but you do have to keep all of your actions focused on how it will have a positive effect on YOU not on her. It is extremely hard and maybe you'll have an "Ah Ha!" moment like I did or you'll just get it gradually. However it comes about, just do your best to focus on you and you'll be ok.
Your description of how you handled your W tonight when she was holding your baby boy was great! You said you "ignored her" and that is what you need to do. Keep it up and you'll see yourself growing. If she is to come around and be willing to do work on her for herself, her child and for your marriage, you'll need to be in a position where you are strong enough in your own right.
I'm proud of how you handled things tonight even though her icy glares were hurtful. You did very, very well. Give yourself time to appreciate how you did and notice how you felt afterward. I'm guessing you felt pretty good.
You described your W's accusations to your MIL about things you didn't do to her, well, you may feel better to know you ain't alone, brothter. My XW said I was verbally and mentally abusive the entire time we were together. She said I foricbly raped her. She said I drugged her and raped her. She said I threatened to come through the window and "get" her if she locked me out of the bedroom. She said I punched her when we were exchanging our D. All lies. All taken as the gospel truth by her parents who, like your MIL, used to love me.
So, the mothers of our children, the women we gave so much of our hearts to are unfortunately similar. They have major problems from their past they don't want to deal with and until they do, we can't be with them.
I'm divorced now and although I mentioned before there are things I miss, especially when she's being nice, the reality of it all keeps reminding me I'm not deserving of that treatment. PERIOD!
I wasn't an angel in our M, but I wasn't anything like the man she described. In retrospect, my XW was very needy and controlling. Her major complaint was I was always gone from the house doing things for the school I work for. Well, through my own therapy, I found out I was gone b/c I needed space. I just didn't realize it at the time.
So, could I have been a better, more attentive husband who was much better at talking about his frustrations? Yes. Could I have been more attentive during the first few years of my D's life? Yes - that one is something I'll never get back and I truly regret. However, I took steps to try and save our M. I worked on me to try and save me. What did my XW do? Nothing but point fingers and blame me for her unhappiness.
Conclusion: As sad as the entire event is and as unfortunate as it is for my precious little D, this is the best thing for me and my life going forward.
I hope your sitch doesn't turn out like mine did b/c I'd love to see everyone here be able to repair and regrow their marriage and make it as wonderful as we thought it would be on our wedding day. However, I do want you to take hope that if it doesn't turn around, as long as you can look in the mirror and feel like you've done all you could have done, left no stones unturned, and have no regrets, then you can walk away proud w/ your head held high.
We all have choices to make in life and ultimately that is how we'll be judged - by our actions and how they impacted those around us.
I think a trip to SF to see a friend would be a good one for you. If you get the chance, go up, enjoy the time, hit the town and have fun being out and being alive. Remember, this is truly your time now so make the most of it. Use this time to do the things you want to do and be the person you've always wanted to be.
That is when you'll understand the whole 180 and GAL thing...at least that is when I finally got it.
