Just read your answer and I know what you say is right. To do dbing I must
1. NO R TALK 2. Appear happy with everything 3. contact only when necessary 4. Get out there and get a life. Become myself again. I am generally the life and soul of whereever i am.
My condition at the moment is both frightening and strange for every person i know. I am soooooooo different.
I know, I am just in such a mess. Believe me when i tell you, that this kind of behaviour from either of us is so out of character.
Hindsight is 20/20 and i see him withdrawing now since June/ July.
I went dark i suppose for 3 weeks , them had meltdown and am now back to taking his S#$%. i do not ring him unless i have to , but I do go into work occasionally. He does still talk about our relationship, but he also says he is going to her xmas party on Friday.
I am loosing weight so fast and am heading towards thin. My business is so busy , yet I struggle to function. My daughter 18 went out Saturday night and got soooooo drunk she threw up. i did not feed her dinner before she went out. I am in amess.
Tommorr0w I am going to doctors for anti depressants in order to get through holiday season. The sleeping tablets and lack of food are making it hard for me to function.
I do feel a little better sometimes and have little bursts of thoughts such as ...he can go to h&*( etc etc. I feel better with those thoughts.
I know i have to harden up and I know that time will be a great healer. I also know when i get to that place H will stop and look back. i question my fear and I think it is , that I am frightened i have made the biggest mistake of my life and thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me.
D18 does not want xmas this year. D16 and S20 are not bothered. Of course I will have to have it and will put the tree up this weekend which is a week late. But before xmas day we will leave for our holiday home without H. It is what the kids have asked to do. My parents brother and niece will come with us and not leave me until I am ready. I have yet to tell H and dread the conversation. I would hate not to have xmas without kids . Right now as i try to pull myself out of this slump , i will do just what they ask. There will be many more xmas for them and they will be ok with there dad by next.
Hi - Today I am ok. Little resignation creeping into thoughts and I am not so obsessed as saddened but my sitch.
I have to learn to keep everything real. H oing out to an xmas function on Friday night. He has implied it is OW but did not confirm. He said dont ask questions. Hmmmmm well if it is hers then so be it.
I havr Db successully these last few days. Something to be said by faking it , because when he left home last night after seeing kids I felt good.
When he arrived , i immediately went out to gym. I spent an hour there and came home to find D 18 in tears. H had talked to her etc etc.
He then told me that he feels so distant from them ( his doing , only he does not see it ) That hurts me for my childrens sake and the thought that he would seek comfort else where.
I offered suggestions and then realised that it is not my problem. I was upbeat, laughed and then went and showered. He said on his way out , that i seemed much better, i replied that I was feeling better. He did not seem so thrilled and he commented how I had lost lots of weight and that I could tell by his look that he liked!
To F*&^en bad for him.
Well I say that with conviction today ...... who knows tommorrow and Friday will be tough.
I have never not had a man at xmas . Is being alone at this time of year a good lesson? i think it will be a tough christmas! Although i have family and kids.
I offered suggestions and then realised that it is not my problem. I was upbeat, laughed and then went and showered. He said on his way out , that i seemed much better, i replied that I was feeling better. He did not seem so thrilled and he commented how I had lost lots of weight and that I could tell by his look that he liked!
To F*&^en bad for him.
Good on ya!!!! See, it works! You can do this.
Worry about tomorrow tomorrow! Wait. It is tomorrow there. LOL.
(I once saw a shirt that said If You're Worried About the World Ending Today...Remember It's Already Tomorrow In Australia. Doesn't really help if you're in Oz though... ;P )
I feel quite sad today. My H just does not tell me anything. I thought he was just being horrible to me but it was pointed out that he sees me as just not part of his life anymore.
he makes plans with the kids and just does not tell me.
I did not see this , it just drives it home more and more that he has moved on. My heart actually does hurt.
Today is Friday and tough day because I THINK he is going to OW xmas party.
I am so sick of my head being full of this S^%$. i need to turn it off. I am not taking anti depressants as they will rob me of victory when i come through all this crap.
At work yesterday, a customer who discovered my predicament asked me out to dinner. I kindly declined as I am a zillion miles from being company with another man.
H called this morning to disscuss business stuff. We talked about funeral he had been to , he said he thought I would of been there. I did not know the person had died !. I asked you should of told me - he said Oh but we have not been talkinG!!!!!
I am only at the end of a phone and we have 3 business's , 3 kids etc . F ^%$.
He was in a jolly mood as was I but then he is going out with another woman ( I think ) tonight - pretty sure.
My SIL came round last night for first time in months. First person in H side of the family to show interest in me. She was shocked at my condition and reaction. H had been at her place and he told her of his FRIEND , (that she was good to talk to). Yuk yuk yuk.
she thought H was just punishing, trying to get even etc. That does not make me feel better at all. He also told her, that he would never say never and that in a few years after we had dated people that did not work out , that we may get back together ! WTF.
If you think that there is a possibility in the future, why can you not act on it now ? Am i misssing something.
Any hurt husbands out there , that might be able to offer some insight here ?
He also told her, that he would never say never and that in a few years after we had dated people that did not work out , that we may get back together ! WTF.
If you think that there is a possibility in the future, why can you not act on it now ? Am i misssing something.
Any hurt husbands out there , that might be able to offer some insight here ?
Hey M! Long time!
You are still fighting it. You have to evict him from your head.
Looking at your situation and this statement H made to your SIL... you know, I don't agree with the WTF comment. This might be hard to hear but I can understand your H's comment to his sister completely.
Not from the "hurt husband" perpsective, but just looking from the outside in.
I think the very fact that he said this is just gushing with hope for you and your H to reconcile. Really. It means he is thinking about it right now. Today. Right now. It means you can make a difference right now. You can get-a-life and look really good and be in shape and do all the stuff you would do to attract any man. Smell good, dress well, smile. And he will see you. He will see you indirectly, through contact with common friends. or through your SIL. or through the businesses or the kids. Or ... who knows.
His comment just shows that he is not sure, he is testing the waters. He felt really hurt by what you did, shocked even, and doesn't want that. He is running away from that. Take heart that he is not running toward another person. It's not "this person is my dream". It's "I need to get away from the hurt".
Guessing here.
You said, "Why can he not act on it today?" Frustrating, isn't it?
Healing takes time. Feelings take time to settle. These things take time.
If I were you I would be hopeful to have received that message from your SIL. Hopeful and encouraged. Re-double your efforts. Bolster your determination to get a life and be the best J you can be.
Maybe this is a test for you - did you ever consider that? Maybe this is a clear test for you to see if you truly can be faithful to him. He wants to test you (consciously or not) to see whether you are there for him. Like a rebellious teenager - they get tattoos and piercings to test their parents. It's not that they want a tattoo. They want to pique their parents' interest. I'm not trying to be flippant, but maybe this is a clear test to you, to see how serious you are about being faithful to him, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health.
If this is what is going on, you need to be faithful AND happy. Starting today. You need to be stronger than him and you need to evict him+OW from your head.
The path is long and hard, but you are on the right path!
You can do this.