Well, I had a good day today, mostly b/c we were off from school. So, I began my day by successfully getting the mortgage company to admit they screwed up w/ my payment and I wasn't past due. Then I auditioned for an Arizona Lottery commercial and did an hour of cardio at the gym. I ended up going back to the gym and lifting after dinner and then took the dog for a walk. So, it was nice.
Well, on the walk, I called for D and got XW for over 24 minutes of our 29 minute total. She began by telling me "I got asked out by another student today. That makes it now three students as well as two members of the faculty."
WTF? I said I knew who the faculty member was and then said "did you tell them you had a boyfriend?" She went on a bit about it and eventually said, "apparently, I'm just irresistable" to which I deadpanned "apparently" - I had earlier said "good for you" w/ about as much enthusiam.
Anyway, we then talked about Christmas - Thank God the subject changed...maybe it was my lack of interest? It was a needed discussion about D and Christmas stuff - XW did most of the talking. Finally, I got to talk w/ D and we said good night.
Well, the problem is I'm finding myself bothered by the 1st part of the conversation and I'd like to hear what you all think I should/shouldn't do about it.
See, I really bit my tongue when she was talking b/c I wanted to say something very nasty about how her last tryst at work w/ "the Snake" led to her affair and our divorce. Now, I'm not sure if I should ignore it or address it.
Part of me thinks if I address it, I'll be bringing attention to it and letting her know it got my goat a bit. The other part thinks I should tell her something like "You know, I was really uncomfortable hearing about your being hit on at work b/c the last time this happened, you ended up having an affair w/ (the Snake) and he helped influence you to end our marriage. So, in the future, I'd appreciate it if you refrained from telling me these things."
I'd like to say this, but I'm feeling like it would be extremely counter-productive. It would let her know that it bothers me and I'm dead sure that was her intent. She wants me to be jealous and know how much other people "want" her. Thus, I'm guessing it is best to leave it alone.
It still pisses me off however.
Anyway, I'd like to hear your take on it, just to make sure my head is in the right place w/ it.
So, now I'm home and it will be relaxing, doing some laundry, making the bed, watching a little Monday Night Football, and then read before going to bed.
I think if she starts down the "my new relationship" path again I would tell her that it's none of your business and you don't care to hear it. It appears to me she is still trying to get your goat by telling you this.
Rob, if you have to TELL her something just tell her you dont care to hear any of that and give her no reason nor connect it to the past... What is the use to talk about the past now? If you dont want to discuss it, change the subject and pretend you dont hear these comments...
She is unbelievable! I am glad you have found ways to protect yourself and not get worked up as much as you did in the past. xxx K
I think if she starts down the "my new relationship" path again I would tell her that it's none of your business and you don't care to hear it. It appears to me she is still trying to get your goat by telling you this.
In your place, I would just limit contact with her as much as you can, and ignore her spew when you have to talk to her. She is just trying to bait you into some sort of argument. You will gain nothing by engaging her.
She sounds like my XW--extremely insecure. She may be making up stories about students asking her out, or she may be leading them on to get the attention. Either way it's about getting some sort of male validation. If you engage her on this subject, you're just giving her what she wants. Also she'll turn it around on you, claiming that you're obsessed and can't "let her go." It makes her feel important.
Keep notes of all these kinds of observations. At some point her behavior may reach the threshold of being a danger to your daughter. It may never happen, but if it does, you'll want to be prepared.
You're doing fine Rob. It will get less unpleasant with time. Soon you'll be able to just shake your head and think "what a loon."
...She began by telling me "I got asked out by another student today. That makes it now three students as well as two members of the faculty."
WTF? I said I knew who the faculty member was and then said "did you tell them you had a boyfriend?" She went on a bit about it and eventually said, "apparently, I'm just irresistable" to which I deadpanned "apparently".
...wow Rob, your W is um, a sadist?? a narcissist?? I am amazed that she said these things.. she is trying to effect you, or hook you in, or raise a reaction here. She just cant let it go can she? You'd think by deciding to D you and dating she would have moved on emotionally, but seems not really if she is still trying to engage in these power games with you.
I'm not sure what you can do.. listen and validate!?? Tell her to go to hell?? What do you think ?? Hope you are doing ok, you have been through a tough time. You can take the moral highground though and your W's conversation shows that she is not very emotionally together. Perhaps her ego has gotton out of control, or she needs the validation of men finding her attractive?? It is mean spirited of her to say these things to her recently D H. In fact its more than mean, its cruel? Taunting? Must make you sad, it made me sad to read. You are clearly the better man!
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
RTL' IMO maybe you could say something like "thank you for sharing that but since you divorced me I have no interest in your romantic life other than it's impact on our D". Remember boundaries? Your ex W seems to need to know she can still hurt you. Don't allow her to hurt you anymore. She has a boyfriend yet she still gets a kick out of students and coworkers hitting on her. Apparently people see her as "available". It says something about her realationship with the BF, the one who mentioned marriage, that so many people see her this way.
WTF? I said I knew who the faculty member was and then said "did you tell them you had a boyfriend?" She went on a bit about it and eventually said, "apparently, I'm just irresistable" to which I deadpanned "apparently" - I had earlier said "good for you" w/ about as much enthusiam.
RTL,
She is still testing the waters.... She wants you to find her attractive... Actually, I think she NEEDS to know you want her... She is twisted....
Anyway, I would have said something like the following:
Quote:
That is interesting... Different guys find different things attractive... PERSONALLY, I find a woman who is faithful most attractive...
You will hear the crickets after that one, my friend....
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
So, I began my day by successfully getting the mortgage company to admit they screwed up w/ my payment and I wasn't past due. Then I auditioned for an Arizona Lottery commercial and did an hour of cardio at the gym. I ended up going back to the gym and lifting after dinner and then took the dog for a walk. So, it was nice.