Where to start? I hate to tell you this, but in my limited experience with my sitch I have not found a single "MAGIC BULLET OR GOLDEN NUGGET" that has put me where I am with my WAW. It has taken me doing a lot of hard work on my part to arrive to this point. We are still not out of the woods, so to speak, but we have arrived into some clearings which seem to become bigger each time we enter into another.
If you have read all of my sitch you will see that I have had some very difficult times over the last7 months. From the dropping of the Bomb to contemplating and coming very close to taking my own life, to find inspiration from the DB/DR and one person on the this forum. Although, my sitch sounds like others here, it is still my sitch and it is deferent form others here.
What I have done may not work for you like it has for me (I hope). However, you should know that there is hope. If you do not give up on that hope, work hard and make meaningful and lasting changes in you yourself first your sitch has a chance. If you are like me having a chance is h#ll of a lot better than no chance at all.
I may not be to tell what will work for you, but what I have done. First, set an appointment with a professional T or C and start working on your problems. You may not think you have any problems, but it takes to tango. Secondly, if you have not, you need to read DB/DR at least two or three times to understand what is actually being said. Third, I suggest your read "Men or from Mars and Woman are from Venus" and make an appointment with a DB coach. I would also read Dr. Phil book "Relationship Rescue" Fourth, GAL (Get a Life) and develop a PMA ( Positive Mental Attitude) this will go a long way in helping you cope with your emotional issues involving your sitch. Fifth, read as many of the posting from this forum, find out what others are doing and what works for them and not. Sixth, Work your #ss off trying to fix what your problems before you start working on your spouse's problems. Seventh, be patient, patient, patient, patient, patient, and even more patient. I can not stress this enough. It is important to be patient. It has taken you and your spouse years of having these problems and it may take a long time to fix them. Eight, do not push and DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL in front of your W. Ninth, try to be understanding and non-aggressive with your WAW. Communicate and do things on her time schedule. Tenth, if you truly love her you will need to show her and not just tell her. Actions are for stronger than words. Talk to friends about your ideas, lesion to their advice, weight them very carefully, but remember, you are the one that knows your spouse better than anyone else, usage your judgment, your gut feeling. You will to make the final decision. Make it from the heart. You can not change her mind or make her happy unless she is ready. You have to be happy in your own right first. This will important to show her that you are happy. Happiness is contagious.
Remember, this is what I did. This has worked for me. I do not know anything about your sitch, except that you are here. Most of us are here because we need this type of support in our lives right now. This is a good place to be when you want to vent and ask for help. You should also remember that what you will get all kinds of opinions and experience form friends, relatives and other posters here. Read them, take each one and consider it very carefully. In some cases you will need to take it with a grain of salt. Ask questions here before you jump.
I hope this helps. I am sorry that you are here. I also wish I could give you a magic bullet. I hope that your sitch works out. Your sitch will work out the way it's supposed too.
Please keep in touch. Feel free to post back if you should need to vent, crow, or ask a question or two.
