JWM, I am so sorry that you have to face her betrayal again. I know you are doing your best to preserve the M the best way you know how. I just wanted to give you my story so you know what MIGHT just happen.
I was in the same boat you are now. H wanted to leave, 'he needed time to think, he wanted time and space'. I asked if he is spending time by himself or with OW. H: 'By myself'. Then I stated my boundaries, "I would be very hurt if you continue to see her while you are deciding what you do with your life."
The result? He continued to see her. He always knew he would. Moving out was for convenience so he wouldn't have to lie and do things on the sly. He asked me to give him space so that meant I was not to check up on him. He got what he wanted. He had his cake and ate it.
My reaction? Of course, I was very angry and hurt. Does giving boundaries make any difference? The result was the same but it gave me a sense of my own power meaning, I had to chance to speak my piece and I spoke. The end result is the same, it made no difference because he is in lust.
So by stating boundaries, don't for one second think it might change her behavior, OK? Her moving out probably means she will continue to see OM (remember they are like a drug addict craving for drugs). But HOPEFULLY, living away from you and your love and the convenience of her Old life will make her realize what she is missing out.
She is choosing to live in fantasyland for awhile. That's her choice.
You can choose to wait for her to wake up or choose not to wait. That is your choice.
I am sorry to be so blunt but sometimes our spouse will do stupid things and really test you in everyway. You need to ask yourself, what kind of person are you? Do you really believe in your vows (regardless of what they do) or are you the 'since I'm not getting anything out of this, I'm going to cut bait' type.
I am not judging, there are no judges here. Just be honest with yourself. Because you will have to live with yourself your whole life. Whichever decision you make, you have to live with.
Take your focus off her, ask yourself these questions. Find out who YOU really are. Then if everything calms down in future and I hope they do sooner rather than later, you can be a whole person with no regrets whichever way this is resolved.
And remember, this will all be resolved one way or another. All things pass, good and bad. Good luck, JWM.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
