Hi Kalni: One thing is for sure...trying to be a better person doesn't make one idiot-proof...
Not calling to talk to my baby felt so horrible - and it still bugged me this morning...and I am so glad that you gave me a straight-forward reality check...I'm going to stick to the more positive 180s...not calling was definitely out of character - but not surprising in any good way...
Her LL is words of affirmation - followed closely by acts of service...when she loves, she goes out of her way for people - but what she values most is affirmation...something she never got from her family...and something that I know I pulled away from her as I grew more distant (and resentful). Words of affirmation...yup...probably the hardest kind of love to offer her while we're separated - and she takes every conversation as an opportunity to attack or threaten me...
I would love to tell her how much I admire her love for our baby, her hard work, her strength in making the painful decision to move out and work on herself...all things that I've said to her in the month before she moved out - and all things that I meant...but all things that were met with a lot of anger and bitterness....
Revised plan: stay dark on all things except our baby and finances...no R/M talk at all...no pursuing...no future talk...no getting baited into arguments...but here's the strange thing...I'm not going to do these things with the goal of saving our marriage - thats out of my hands completely - and I don't know if we'll ever get there anyway - rather - I'm doing these things out of love for her - and a hope that she might find herself. Even if my love for her fades...I still know that she is a good person - and can be a great mother - and I just wish for her to find the healthy space to become that great person she deserves to be - despite her terrible childhood...
Thanks, Kalni - for helping me get back on track....feeling clearer now.
