W is picking up D17 in few and taking her to her place. W says will have to pick her up because she has no gas, she is below "e". Then how is she getting to work the rest of the week? Told her i can pick her up at 6:15 before my line dancing or at 9:15 after my line dancing. She doesn't want to stay there that long, she says she'll call my later. W is just getting out of work. D17 definitely called her. I think she i still trying to get somehing going with her or thinks she does, I don't know. Told her I will come get her either way.
Postd on another thread today regarding MLC. I have also emailed a very good friend of mine who was asking how its been going. Boy has my attitude changed in the past few months. Wow!!
What's really amazing is that I still hold out hope for us. When I read back on everything and look back, I have no idea why I didn't just bolt the door shut and head on down the road. As a matter of fact I don't know why I haven't kicked her to the curb yet. Why take back someone who blew me off for greener pastures, sleeping with another guy really has nothing to do with me for four months +. I must be nuts....OR something...
Even when this ends for her, it doesn't for me. And even when it ends, there is no guarantee that she will be with me and the odds favor she won't. So I guess I question the question I have been asking myself, Why wait for her if I am not sure that there will be an us when this is over, if it ever ends?
This is my conflict. Because even though I have hope, do I really want her back after all of this?
Wanting her back is not slipping That is a big part of the reason you've done the work you've done on you. Of course you want her back. But you can't force it and if you do you are liable to go back to square one.
Detaching from the situation is a tool which makes it easier to get this done. You're not detaching and you are being sucked back into the drama. Too much communication with too many people concernig their rendition of what is going on. That is counter productive drama. Detach!
Slipping would be if you fold up right now after all the work, effort and time and give in to her OR let others suck you into the drama.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
The situation with my D17 last night has done this , no doubt and then all the communications. I have pushed ahead. D17 went to her house, house is peaceful. I am calm and back to my resolve from last week. Thanks for the 2x4. I have to remember that everyone is on the roller coaster and i can't get on any of the cars, because ultimately it is still her ride. Need to focus more on detraching this week.
Feeling much better now. talked with D17 I will pick her up later. she says her mom asked her what was up last night and she told her she talked to me and its over. She doesn't want to sit here alone. definitely getting the feeling I have to start doing something with her. Other than dinner and some TV we don't really do anything and she needs to feel the connection.
I am mostly detached T'Gone, I really am. My only emotional tie to her is my wating and i am doing that a little bit better each day. My friend who I had emailed earlier is with me. he says its hard, cruel and mind wrenching, but you gotta do it. You know she loves you and you know she knows. You just have to let her see it for her self. dorothy. He is right you know. I have to let her get thru Oz all on her own. Let her tackle her demonscause if I don't and she comes back to soon, I am no better off.
My friend who I had emailed earlier is with me. he says its hard, cruel and mind wrenching, but you gotta do it. You know she loves you and you know she knows. You just have to let her see it for her self. dorothy. He is right you know. I have to let her get thru Oz all on her own. Let her tackle her demonscause if I don't and she comes back to soon, I am no better off.
Yep! The only part I have a problem with is the continued affair. As long as this is going on there will be no work on the marriage or her problems. My hat is off to you buddy. I'm not sure how long I could go under those circumstances,
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Wanting her back is not slipping That is a big part of the reason you've done the work you've done on you. Of course you want her back. But you can't force it and if you do you are liable to go back to square one. I agree with tig here
Detaching from the situation is a tool which makes it easier to get this done. I disagree that detaching is a tool. My opinion is that detachment is an emotional and psychological place at which you will arrive in due time and you fake it til you make it meaning, separate yourself from all the drama! You're not detaching and you are being sucked back into the drama. Too much communication with too many people concernig their rendition of what is going on. That is counter productive drama. YEP! Detach! FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!
Slipping would be if you fold up right now after all the work, effort and time and give in to her OR let others suck you into the drama. Agreed. Stay out of the sitch between mother and daughter. Detachment can not be forced. But you can damn sure feign it until you come by it naturally!
Additionally, LD...every emotional upheaval is not a failure or a backslide so do yourself a favor and stop acting like it is. This process, wherever it's going, is EMOTIONAL. There WILL be peaks and valleys. In DB-speak, a backslide would be if you went to wife and started bitching and bawling and begging. You're not doing that. So take it easy on yourself. What you are going through is normal. It sucks, we all know. But the only way to the other side of this is THROUGH it, man. So just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing fine.
Thanks AMyC T'gone. The main problem here is the affair, that is why i refuse to look at any "signs" from her because it is all meaningless until it ends. I picked up my d17 and we had a talk about nothing. I never mentioned her mother, never asked a single question. It was a first for me, but I had to make sure i did it. It wasn't so hard. I told my D17 not to make plans for saturday, i am taking her into boston for the day, it wil do us both good.
Line dancing was good tonight and i got asked why I am not married or with anyone. Mentioned my separation status and that we are going through something, they just smiled, they're all women, they know what that meant. they told me i'd get through it, just stay cool and don't let her get to you. Sounds like familiar advice.
i thought long and hard tonight about my situation, her continued affair and my recent "detachment". I believe my resentment and anger towards the affair should help me detach without it being an act. i have to communicate with her twice in the next 3 weeks, both times involves making sure I get the car ins money. Then i suppose I'll have to say merry Xmas to her at my Daughters house and again at my FILs house. Other than that, I'll be good till my grandson's b'day in April.
Unless something major happens those are the next two times and four times i need to speak to her in the next 5 months. I am sure I will not have a problem now that this is behind me. Keeping watching my back though, i need it.
Well once again I lost sleep cause of her. Like I said before, when I see her or have to deal with crap because of her, I can't get her out of my head for a couple of days. Its mostly thoughts of her and him, but it wakes me up. I want to see this affair end and i want it to end soon. I am dealing OK, but the mind is killing me. By tomorrow I should be good.
My friend is right about one thing, it is mind wrenching. I am not sure if journaling my thoughts about her and him will help me clear my head. I have mixed emotions about it. Any one have any thoughts? My only positive for doing it would be to get it out of my head and on paper. this way it would feel like I am handling it because I would have done something about it, writing it down.
Feel real good right now. She is in my head, but I know that will most likely never change. I am calmer and in more control. MY D17 got hurt about 6 weeks ago and i was told her mother was taking her to the doctors for x-rays and to get checked out. Bruised ribs and collar bone. Wife couldn't keep the appointment so she cancelled w/o calling me to have me take her. D17 never said anything to me because she knew I would be mad at her mom. Well this morning she couldn't sit up w/o being in pain. I took her to the doc's and then for x-rays. fractured collar bone and one cracked rib. Fortunately the fracture will heal w/o issue. the cracked rib will be an issue forever. I know I have two. I am pissed that somthing this serious was not taken care of and the fact that she did not even consider having me take her when she couldn't make it. My D17 told me she had to cancel cause she couldn't get out of work. the appointment was on a Wednesday when she doesn't work and was 60 miles away at ther OMs. She didn't call me because she knew I would drive right past her work and see she wasn't there. Nice. Priorities skewed much?!
Anyway, she is OK and all is well. Some idiot "friend" of ours emailed me this morning saying a friend of a firend overheard OM a couple of months ago talking about hteir wedding. The email asked me if she has asked for a divorce because it sounds like they are making plans to get married. I blasted her for the email and told her not to bet the farm on her marrying him. I have now blocked her ass from emailing me anymore. You know, how many crosses I gotta bear anyway? Geez.
I am very excited about taking my D17 into boston, see the lights and decorations and lunch. she will definitely enjoy it. I did ask her if I have been pushing too hard. She said a little. Its like all you care about is how clean the house is, how clean my room is, how my grades are, where I am 24/7. It is what I thought. She also has been going toher mothers because she hates being home alone. Wife only works part time so when my D would get home from school, W was home soon after. She is starting to miss that. I will change my gym schedule to 8 at night so that we spend time toghethr when she is not at her moms. When she is, I wil go after work andf get it out of the way. BIL is out permanently. D17 is much calmer. I am much calmer and the W is out there...
Will bring up the Xmas decorations tonight for me and D17 to set up.
