Amazingly, since I opened up to my H and told him about my concerns with him and the bar, I have seen a totally new H.
He is trying really hard right now to not mess things up. I can tell becuase he has not been away from me and at the bars since the fight. He has been very loving and kind and generous. He has been wonderful.
We did so many nice things over the rest of the thanksgiving break and I can tell that he had fun too.
Our very best friends just told everyone on turkey day that they are ten weeks pregnant. I think this was another form of a wake up call for my H. He has brought it up several times since we heard the news and I think it is making him slowly get a reality check more and more.
Also another couple we used to hang with all the time told us at thanksgiving that they just bought a really expensive house on the road my H and I have dreamed of living on forever. We both are a bit jealous of them and where they are at. But overall, I am happy for all my friends that are finally growing up and moving to the next stage of thier lives.
I cant even believe that my H is still sticking with me and our M. I thought for sure that my honesty with him would send him running away again. But instead He and I both have agreed that it has brought us closer becuase we are learning how to face our problems.
I am so greatful for this blessing. I know that my H is still in MLC. It always was and still is about his lack of a solid job and the lack of anything to show for all the work he has done in the last 13yrs or so. He is still bouncing job ideas around. This week he was talking about not persuing firefighting anymore and looking into getting his brokers license instead.
He is so frusterated about not being where he wants to be in his life and career. He told me he goes to the bar so much becuase he has no place he feels is like home. I offer my Home but he has issues with it and wont move back in. I can understand to a point. But realistically he and I know that the bar is no kind of substitution for a comfy home.
I do believer my H is nearing the end of his crisis and it is putting me a bit more at ease when I look back to the start of this whole mess. However, I am not in the clear yet and he has a ways to go before he will feel whole again.
I unfortunately feel kind of guilty and bad for blowing up at him and I dont really want the upper hand by anymeans. But now I feel like the dust is still setteling and only time will tell what he will do with what I said to him.
If he blows me off on a night we should be together or have plans made, than I certainly will let him know that its unacceptable and I will make alternate plans as you (laurie) suggested.
