Your girls have a reasonable sense of what is appropriate in life. They understand that it is unreasonable for their mother,under these circumstances, to come back to their home to decorate for the holidays. Hence the anger and indifference on their parts. Maybe they need you to run a little interference for them. In your attempt to appear reasonable and "cordial" to W, you may be overlooking that your lack of taking a stand puts your daughters into situations that they would rather not be in.(And asking them what they want may not be the answer. It may only make them feel guilty for choosing what looks like one parent over the other.) Sometimes making the choice for them may be the kindest act of all. Your family is not a democracy. It's a dictatorship and you are the King. As harsh as that sounds, it may be very comforting to your children. They need someone else to be in charge and that has to by you.
You do not keep your children from interacting with their mother. You have been accommodating to a fault. You will not be the "bad guy" if you don't allow L to have her decorating party.
Of course they love their mother. Of course they are feeling a loss for the way things use to be.Of course they are angry. Of course they will grieve these things for a long time. But that doesn't mean that they want to be participants in the "GEE ISN'T IT GREAT THAT WE ALL GET ALONG AND DO THINGS LIKE WE ALWAYS DID" fantasy that L has concocted. Being a teenager is tough. Throwing all this poo-poo on top of it makes it even tougher.
This is all just my opinion and you know what they say about opinions... They are like a-------. Everyone has one.
Glad Granny is OK.
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
