dealing with infidelity after R

[garyjlost]

Hi. I need some advice. Sandi recommended Puppy Dog Tails. But anyone else who has thoughts on my situation would be appreciated.

You can read about my sitch my using the link below in my signature.

Here is the relevant part that you need to know in addition to the sitch:

I know my wife was having an affair in the weeks before we were separated. We admitted as much. And I know she continued to see this same guy for several seeks during the separation. His name is all over our phone records. She was calling him practically every day. My wife isn't very technical and I handle the bills, so she's totally unaware that her calls are detailed in the phone bill records.

As my wife and I started working on the R with tentative dates, the calls to the OM decreased in frequency. Things went very well on the dates with my wife, and she asked me to move back in (after seven weeks of separation). After I moved back in, the calls to the OM apparently stopped altogether (as well as his calls to her--so they must have come to some sort of agreement). I have now been back at home for two weeks. The R seems to be going quite well. My wife seems happy. I'm much more involved in family actitivites (which was the main bone of contention).

But I still haven't dealt with the subject of my wife's infidelity. I need to just straight out ask her what the situation is, right? Is it in fact over? What is the status of their relationship?

Yes, I fully intended to bring up this discussion before I moved back in, but I felt it was more important for me to simply get back into the house so that she could see my changes. We also are going through marital counseling, and I thought we'd get to this as we were discussing our marital goals, but we stopped just short of this discussion. Maybe next therapy session.

I now feel that our R is strong enough that I can broach the subject of infidelity without creating a complete meltdown. But this could be a very tricky discussion. I could use any advice that anyone is willing to deliver.

Thanks.

Once again, you can read my full sitch by using the link below in my signature.